Critical Crushes

IF I WAS A DRUNK GIRL TO BIRTHDAY PARTY PAL PLANNER

2012-01-24T07:04:00.001-08:00

First of all it all depends on your huge group of girl and boy gang and what they like to do. Is it drunk bowling? Is it let's bowl for 4 hours and see people come and go and stagger? Is it let's blow a thousand dollars and bug the DJ all night but he probably won't care kind of night?

Options.

First of all I have nothing against The Ballroom, heck I even tried to get a job there as cruise director of all things bowling and fun, even sent them my book Bowlbrawl but its hard to negotiate with terrorists. (That would be me).

Based on the fact that you are likely wanna being like downtown and junk this seems like the best option. But it isn't my final recommendation. They'd offer great bar service and stuff but I don't know how unique it will feel. There is something fun about going to a weird place and dressing really nice and stuff and being in a really fucked up part of Toronto.

I think creative control wise you'd be better off planning out this invasion angle styled bowling party from 7-11pm at my favourite alley and get them to negotiate the playlist and maybe even ask if you can book a deejay.

It would be like a Budweiser commercial.

Now in terms of style of bowling, yes, I wrote a book about violent bowling but that is not what I suggest you act out on your day of life celebration. You could though get some foam bats and things and distract each other in PG ass slap camp and that would not be such a bad way to kill time in between your marvelous turn up there.

Also keep the teams capped off at 3-4 a side. Also go in and meet with the bowling alley manager beforehand. Tell them between booze, food and shoes and stuff you are going to drop at least 300 bucks. At least.

Go to Pape Station. Take any bus that goes to Thorncliffe (81, 110, etc). It takes 14 mins. Or take a cab from Danforth.

You can be really loud and there are a surprizing amount of good looking young people there on a Fri or Sat night. Generations of people have been enjoying their lives in this underground orgy of fun.

Plus once you are done bowling, spill into a cab and head to Greek Town. You can start the second phase of your birthday at midnight, have a few drunk girl TO drinks and then hold some cozy almost an after party at Unit or Parts & Labour or Cadillac Lounge

Other terrible options you should not consider but people will tell you about that will compromise your geographic bliss include:

1. Kipling Station bowling alley. (Too far. And the bar sucks.)
2. Bathurst Bowl. (Lawrence and Bathurst). It barely passes for a bowling alley.

Happy bowling!

Love,

Notho

READING 12 FEBRUARY (SUNDAY) 8PM

2012-01-18T06:24:00.000-08:00

Eat some mussels, stay for the line breaks.

Valentine Reading At Universal Grill

1071 Shaw St. (at Dupont)
8pm to 10pm

Hosted by the always charismatic and contentious area man and author Nathaniel G Moore, you can come hear some new poemy work from Mat Laporte, Nyla Matuk, Spencer Gordon, Bill Kennedy and other special guests. Bring a loved one for a quiet night of melodramatic poetry and literature the likes of which you won't find on basic cable or netflix. The lighting and mood at Universal Grills is said to contain equal parts cool Aqua Velva glow with rustic hints of the always maudlin Emerald City.

Or simply put: it's very cozy and crisp. And no, for all you literalists out there it does not smell like cheap aftershave. I was speaking of the colour.

Come for dinner, appetizers, great martinis and wine. 8pm. For reservations or info on the no corking fee (bring your own wine) special being offered that night see website.

Reservations: 416.588.5928

The event is free.

The link below is a branding tool. The song by Blur called The Universal.

A 16 year old music video.

WATCH

THE SAVAGE BEGINS...

2012-01-13T11:35:00.000-08:00

(a mutation on WEIRD AL’S The Saga Begins via That old Song He Mimiced That Madonna Covered in Denim and Gap Tooth written by Nathaniel G Moore from the fictional POV of Conan Tobias editor of Taddle Creek moments before deciding to publish an excerpt of Savage in 2009 and changing all our lives)

Listen to Al as you read and break your brain

THE SAVAGE BEGINS

A long long time ago in an industry far away

CanLit was under an attack

And I thought me and Gary Barwin

Could talk Canada Hertiage in

To maybe cutting them a little slack

But their response it didn't thrill us

They locked the doors and tried to kill us

We escaped from that meeting

Then met Christmas Bok in Pickering

We took a bong hit from Jon Paul Fiorentino

And we went to Walrus to see the queen

But we all wound up at Leaside High in 1990

That's where we found this boy

Oh my my this here Nathaniel guy

Maybe Giller by a sliver now he's just a small fry

He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "soon i'm gonna win the Giller Prize soon i'm gonna be a Giller Prize"

Did you know this junkfood guy

Isn't even old enough to drive

But they say his imagination is real like, alive

Ahh do you see him hitting on George Michael?

Though he's just fifteen and he's twenty-seven

Yeah he's probably gonna use him in a narrative arc someday

Well i know he’ll write Bowlbrawl

And i've heard how fast his emails can go

And we were desperate it's true

So we made an edit or two

Ooh he was a prepubescent videocamera ace

And the minute a Co Op placement offered that space

Well i knew who would win second place

Oh yes it was our boy

We started singin' my my this here Nathaniel guy

May be Giller by a sliver now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "soon I'm gonna be a Giller Prize soon i'm gonna be a Giller Prize"

Now we finally got to Toronto

The Ontario Arts Council we knew would wanna

To see how good the book could be

So we took him there and we told the tale

How his works in progress grant formatting was off the scale

But he might fulfill that criteria

Oh the council was impressed of course

Could he bring fiction from the source?

The jury read about this kid

oh funding they forbid

Because Lisa Foad sensed in him much fear

And Crosbie said "now listen here

Just stick it in your pointy ear, I still will teach this boy"

She was singin' "my my this here Nathaniel guy

May be Giller by a sliver now he's just a small fry"

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "soon i'm gonna be a Giller Prize soon i'm gonna be a Giller Prize"

We caught a ride back to the Lakeview

'cause Queen Stacey May wanted to

I frankly would've liked to stay

We all fought in that book war

And it wasn't long at all before

Little hotshot sold his novel and saved the day

And in the end some interns died

Some stores blew up and some bloggers fried

A lot of folks were croakin'

The Indigo Kiosks were broken

And the editor I admire most

Met up with Stuart Ross and now he's toast

Well I'm still here and he's a ghost

I guess I'll publish this boy

And i was singin' my my this here Nathaniel guy

May be Giller by a sliver now he's just a small fry

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "soon I'm gonna be a Giller Prize soon i'm gonna be a Giller Prize"

We were singin' "my my this here Nathaniel guy

May be Giller by a sliver now he's just a small fry"

And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye

Sayin' "soon I'm gonna be a Giller Prize"

More on Savage

KATY NOT AT TEEN AWARDS THIS YEAR

2012-01-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

she canceled her appearance as she just broke up with her husband. feel better katy dont be so maudlin.

WRESTLECRISIS THIS SUNDAY! TORONTO!

2012-01-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

Video Game Characters Wrestling?
Dogs and Cats, living together, mass hysteria by Nathaniel G Moore

I didn’t exactly know what WrestleCrisis was until someone tweeted to me about it because it had to do with wrestling. You see, people think I want to read about all things related to the squared circle. Perhaps it doesn’t help that I curate art shows and write about wrestling from time to time for national newspapers.
Regardless, I felt a kinship with local Ross Aitken indie wrestler and local promoter who has been developing his unique brand of mayhem over the last two years. His most recent event is scheduled for this coming Sunday at 4pm at putting on his latest installment of Wrestlecrisis at the Toronto Underground Cinema.
At first I thought the concept of the event was a tribute to wrestling video games; a festival of game playing throughout the ages, the evolution of wrestling video games, tournaments, that sort of thing.

Oh how I was wrong. This is real wrestling and real video game characters battling out in a real wrestling ring. It’s like a lazy Saturday morning cartoon and video game session on an acid trip.
Imagine your favourite video game characters entering the squared circle and wrestling each other in front of a live audience? The themed Combat Opera event is a vibrant tribute to video games, specifically of the 8bit but not exclusively) generation.
Simply put, the event boasts pro wrestlers wrestling in character as classic game characters live
“For many it might be a shock to see the full sized wrestling ring in the theatre,” Aitkens explains. “We rented the from the wrestling school Squared Circle Training.” A facility in North York where Aitkens has been training for the last six years. “I wrestle as Buck Gunderson,” Aitken says, “I’ve been doing that for two and a half years most weekends.” The indie wrestling circuit takes him all over Ontario, and he has even captured some regional championships.
The concept for Wrestlecrisis grew from Anime North, a festival of Anime curiosity in which Aitkens first booked video game characters in a live wrestling match as a side show.
Last April in Toronto, fans were privy to a much anticipated showdown with Pac Man and Mario. However, things didn’t turn out quite as one might think.
“The biggest surprises on the first show was when pac man turned on super Mario and revealed himself to be Luigi, which lead up to main event later that night,” Aitken explains. The brother versus brother match (Mario vs Luigi) ended in a disqualification when Wario ran in and interfered. Next Sunday’s show hopes to settle the score when Mario teams with a mystery opponent and faces Luigi and Wario.
The doors are at 4pm and the action gets underway at 4:30 with music video game remixes or “chip tunes” will be presented. As for what patrons can expect for this, the first WrestleCrisis of 2012, Aitkens is cagey at first, but then reveals some old issues may get resolved.

I for one will be holding on the edge of my seat and cheering the baddies on all the way. Screw Mario and his mystery partner!

Tickets to WrestleCrisis are on sale $10 dollars in advance at Silver Snail on Queen West or $15 at the door.

2011 in Review: WE WERE BORN TO DIET

2011-12-23T17:19:00.001-08:00

Raymi The Minx, Lohan Leak, White House Studio Project, Randy Savage, Katy Perry, Telekenis, Lana Del Rey, Wheatus, Saving Gigi, Ferno House, Little Scream top Critical Crushes Year In Review

THE BANDS, BOOKS, ART SHOWS & MOVEMENTS THAT DEFINED THE YEAR

2011 is now a footnote in the annals of time and space. It was a strange ride for me, almost getting the swimsuit issue of Descant up and running (they said it could happen in 2015, no joke) I curated an art show, emailed people 265,331 times, made new friends in the Calgary, got banned from the worst bar in Toronto (Ciros) and finished Savage the novel. I was really into Lana Del Rey in June and she even tweeted to me when I said some comment to her about her video, this was before she was really big I guess and was stalking me.

The year began with an interview with Wheatus. It was an insightful and memorable time.

I saw Little Scream in concert at her Toronto launch for The Golden Record which is quite brilliant and super if you are into really good progressive poem pop pixie charm. -- Maybe the word pixie is over now. Maybe she is post-pixie, maybe she’s more gypsy than pixie. Watch out guys. Dreamy colours run right through.

My Verbicide interview with Screamy here.

Anyway check her out she is the bomb. Speaking of bombs, Katy Perry won an award for being the best person ever! She had 5 #1 hits from Teenage Dream (American Music Award made up a prize just for her at the awards show a few weeks ago) proving that pop is still king and that its okay to have fun in music and move around and not take things to seriously. That’s what Canadian poetry is for.

Speaking of which why not read Jacob McArthur Mooney's second poetry collection Folk or the entire 2011 collection from Ferno House including Spencer Gordon, Liz Howard and David Brock. These are limited edition chapbooks (Ferno) so get them while you can.

Telekenis was my favourite new band this year. My friend Ghostfaced Knitter described the sound as the perfect band to hoolah-hoop to. Doubt it? Listen to this.

Lindsay Lohan was naked a lot. My friend Kyra did a short film with her. For real. She also worked with Franco I think. Man does anyone care about him anymore? Art now is just about showing up and telling the people "Ya, ya, I'll do something. Do you have a website? Twitter?"

Toronto / London artist Alison Honey had some nice things to say about her favourite exhibits this year, exhibits that continue into bits of 2012. “The two exhibitions I attended this year that were by far and away my favorite were: Grayson Perry: The Tomb of the Unknown Craftsman at The British Museum and Miracles and Charms at the Welcome Collection (part of the Welcome Trust). The exhibition is composed of two separate shows - Infinitas Gracias: Mexican miracle paintings and Felicity Powell - Charmed Life: The solace of objects.” Honey says both exhibitions are thought provoking and inspiritational and both run til mid-February. “So anyone lucky enough to be in London should make seeing those two shows a top priority!”

"I am already over Lana Del Rey," Raymi The Minx says, and I sort of agree with her, not just cos she wouldn't do an interview with me. Vanessa at Saving Gigi does a great five second version of Video Game, ask for it next time you are there. I went to Raymi's garage sale in the summer in between senseless barbecues.

Though Vanessa might have competition in the humour category of Lana covers. My friend from Germany Julianna made this.

I made my own tabloid version of Video Games by Lana here, (me and Amy are at the 5 through 8 second mark)

Did you guys know that Saving Gigi is now liscensed? It's pretty cozy and they have special Gigi night food too.

The Minx says it was a busy year, she liked Rule of the Bone book-wise, and says when she's writing or "creating something amazing or performing" she feels tops.

"La Vie En Rose (in several versions, Empire Ants, The High Road, Man Down by Rihanna and the Diet Coke Tiff Party were also highlights for Raymi.

Read more about my Raymi and blog women adventures here.

I jogged with Christine Estima my sassy blogging novelist friend.

My Randy Savage art show was the only good thing that happened to me this year and I hope that in 2012 something better happens. Thanks to Adam and Xenia and especially Vanessa at White House Studios for all their fine work. And Anisa Cameron for her great song and energy and coming all the way from Montreal to perform!

Remember when I was on television?!Remember that time Geoffrey and Tibi pretended they were ten years younger than they are and morphed into international tennis stars from 31 years ago?

Holy Crap he's Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains.

I saw Geoff and said that Kirk Cameron's childhood was looking for his leather jacket. Anyway I like Kirk Cameron and his religious values, at least he has something to think about. Maybe Pugen's Utopics can be revisited with Kirk Cameron at the helm as some sort of Antagonist. Speaking of Lynn Coady OMG. Did you know she liked my Canadian Poets postcard where the guy has a chainsaw and it says CANADIAN POETS are always angry about something? Her book The Antagonist is excellent.

Though again Pugen he looks a lot older than the teen heart throb from season one in 1986. Perhaps he should wear make up for some of these no frills middle class recreations or use his own photoshop potions on his aging face. We are all getting old, someone from Germany commented on my wrinkles yesterday. There is no escape.

Pugen's art is becoming Halloween or something. Post-appropriation I guess. The death of the self. The self that never was. In 1991 I did Jacques Plante, Han Solo and Randy Savage drag.

When Penguin or Anansi or Random House publish Savage in 2014, you can watch these VHS classics with me and Lisa Moore and Claudia Dey and Zsuzi Gartner I enjoyed her book a lot.

Remember when I was awkward?

Maybe art is just an event or a planning meeting that is over, and like my Savage show, the death of art perhaps in its totality.

Maybe its just about what you can get away with the production of the art as the art itself; post context. One can just google the reference and comprehend its social impact and perhaps contextualize it for their own generation. So yeah, Pugen has another show in January. That's like five in about a year? That is a lot. The first one of 2011 I believe was the one I helped write: Sahara Sahara.

But I find it fun that Pugen and I both went from trying to build our own worlds (Utopics, Bowlbrawl) to just becoming American white culture fanboys. There is something extremely offensive about the work, that it assumes a narcisms when no one asked for it. It's male privilege and aggressive and morbid all at once. Gratuitous and self-obsessed, cocky, white, banal and aimless. Yet the self as phantom, so the obsession is a vortex.

However, no one asked for these portents.

Of course I was George Michael in 2007, before my career was destroyed by God's anger. George covered a New Order song for charity this year. Man that seems years ago.

Art on the internet vs books on the internet. Think about it. When you see art on a blog or written up somewhere it is replicated once again. Is digital art ever touched? If a jpeg of art is uploaded onto a blog but no one sees it is it still art?

And think about dancing and writing the next time you think.

Remember when I put the books in the clothing stores and took half an hour to explain it?

Maybe Katy Perry is the most retarded singer ever and I just have no fucking life. Some one take me on a vacation or pay me to write please I'm going insane.

Here are some popular posts not necessarily from 2011.

Follow NOTHO on Twitter!

TORONTO BANDS NEEDED FOR E-BOOK SOUNDTRACK (MARCH 2012)

2011-12-13T10:40:00.001-08:00

(its for bands wanting to submit songs that might fit with the themes of urban love, giving birth to sea horses at dinner parties, sea sex, being attacked by a girl in the bath, etc.)

TORONTO AUTHOR RELEASING LIMITED EDITION EBOOK "THE CHELSEA PAPERS" IN MARCH 2012, SEEKS ORIGINAL SONGS FOR SOUNDTRACK. THE SOUNDTRACK WILL BE AVAILABLE WITH THE DELUXE EDITION OF THE EBOOK AND ON THE WEBSITE.

THE CONCEPT IS TO TAKE THE EBOOK FORMAT WITH MUSIC AND CROSS-PROMOTE/POLLINATE WITH THE MEDIA BLITZ THE CHELSEA's INSANE SEA MONSTER FOAMING NYMPHO STORY WILL GENERATE....

Are you a band with any sea-related erotic music? Have a bside or unreleased track that you could stick the word SHARK or CHELSEA or BLOOD or SEASICKNESS

We need songs about Chelsea, sea monsters, wet mittens, sushi, sharks and more! If you want more samples from the book, contact us!

So get in touch with Nathaniel over the next little while and see/sea what you can come up with.

We'd like to have some music lined up for early February 2012.

check out site

MORE PICS FROM SAVAGE ART SHOW NOVEMBER 12

2011-12-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

MORE RANDY SAVAGE ART SHOW INCLUDING VIDEOS AND REVIEWS HERE

SAVAGE ART SHOW, ANISA CAMERON SONG, FAN VIDEOS, MORE PHOTOS

2011-11-02T12:36:00.001-07:00

More photos here

More pics

BOOKS ON THE RADIO PODCAST INTERVIEW WITH SEAN

More Photos

Canadian Bulldog review

Fight Network appearance.

THE GRID AV CLUB

all the madness here

LATEST PRESS FOR SAVAGE SHOW

Podcast 1

Canoe sports

quillandquire

Podcast 2

SAVAGE 1986 2011 a short film

2011-10-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

New Order - True Faith

Powered by mp3skull.com

Watch short film Savage 1986 2011

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VEGAN MURDERER BOOK

2011-10-02T10:37:00.001-07:00

I RATE THIS BLOG POST TWO STARS

2011-09-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

Recently I have gotten into an imaginary pinching fight with another author about Goodreads.

The thing is, he is a public figure, more so than myself. He rated two of my books over a year ago two stars. Beyond what that says about my publishers involved (Conundrum, Pedlar) and the community at large, writers working with each other and supporting each other, (I don't know, what does that say?) the fact that I know who this person is, that he is publicly rating me this way seems well, I don't know, silly? What is the point?

So yes, I did at a reading tell this person I admired his work. That I liked his new novel.

That doesn't mean that when it comes to voting for him on Goodreads that I'm not going to as Ken Sparling once said about my writing, "emulate my oppressors".

So I make a joke out of him rating two of my books (Let's Pretend and Bowlbrawl) two stars, and he marks out and acts shocked and looks for fanbase sympathy.

I refuse to play the my fans versus your fans game. You'll win.

If you want to have a friendly poem for poem, fiction for fiction contest with me in front of a neutral crowd at the Home Depot or something where no one there knows who Anne Carson or Sachiko Murakami is, I'll be there with bells on.

We both read for 10 minutes in front of the Home Depot holiday season line ups and see who the people think is the better writer.

I guarantte you I will beat you. And this is not a wrestling thing. This is real life! This is Home Depot.

We'll see who gets past this two star status.

I did not start this feud or TMZ styled pinching fight. I'm not hiding behind two stars. I'm a big art curator now and working on film treatments, I don't have time for the LPG/TMZ slapstick.

But I think it's funny that anyone would complain about me rating them two stars on all mighty Goodreads when you showed me the exact level of immaturity a year earlier, and you are like 20 years older than me and supposed to be a role model. At least that is how he's been described to me. I of course hath never been described that way.

So pick the Home Depot. Pick your poems, and get ready for Humblemania.

Like me on FB

Related link: here yo

STARS ARE BLIND

2011-09-05T09:03:00.001-07:00

ebook coming soon

TORONTO'S JACKASS HAT

2011-08-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

Toronto has really gotten behind this jackass of a hat, and now we are at peace. The hat comes in different colours and is annoying in every shade of day. Whether brunching with your stupid friends at Mitzi's or getting a falalalfal in the annex, this hat is for you. And you are a jackass. Boys like them too. They are also jackasses.

THAT'S HOW I EMAIL

2011-08-17T06:22:00.001-07:00

I’m on a drug called Nathaniel G Moore

It’s not available, if you try it once you will cry

Your career will implode
And your readers will weep over your exploded inbox,
over your exploded inbox

You love to email
What’s not to love?
The run I was on made Spamming look like Canada Post
had employed 3000 armless letter carriers

That’s how I email

That’s how I email

I was bangin 94 WPM, that’s how I write– winning
I have one gear: SEND – epic emailing
Are you bipolar?
I’m bccin’g

send here, attach there, BCC everywhere

Absolutely attachment
I'm on a quest

Write every single person
Write every wrong

I’m a total frickin avante guard poet from mars – winning
C’mon bro, I got Saving Gigi blood – winning
You borrow my brain and you’d be like Sir come back here
Email here, email there, send, send, everywhere

I’ve got a list — help me sort this
From the epic send to the desperately bounce back

Mr Noodle – WINNING
Taddle Creek – WINNING
Pretending to submit a poem to the Walrus to avoid someone– EPIC WINNING
Bridge burning – WINNING
Canada Council Grants for Child dictators – WINNING
Breakin the rules of the LPG sales prevention conventions – WEAK
Catullus blood – WINNING
Violent edits – WINNING
Givin needy booksellers caresses and hugs – EPIC WINNING
Childbirth – WINNING
Pasha Malla -WINNING
Reading Stacey May Fowles’ PSA………duh, WINNING, WINNING

Koodo Ad & The Subordination of a culture

2011-08-15T12:51:00.000-07:00

Every time I see the Koodo phone ad I think of the real racism in the fake world of wrestling, clearly outlined in Steel Chair to the Head where countless examples of "Latino subordination" have taken place over the years. Just look at Rey Mysterio Jr.'s recent WWE title win (barely 1 hour long) two weeks ago on WWE's flagship show RAW. They paraded him around backstage, all 5' 4" of him, have him tell everyone how special the moment is to him, have his larger, white comrades congradulate him, only to be beaten by John Cena in a matter of minutes as the show came to an end. This isn't a wrestling storyline, this really happened.

It was real.

This isn't the first time the white powers that be have done this to Rey. They did it in style in 1996 when the nWo took up spaces that were designed for Rey.

The diminutive nature of the koodo mascot makes him harmless, someone who can entertain you and save you money. Look at his cute outfit and funny accent. Disgusting.

An essay worth checking out for sure.

MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE'S DEATH & ITS AFFECT ON TORONTO FEMALE FASHION

2011-07-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

As we all know, Randy "Macho Man" Savage died nearly two months ago, at the onset of summer. More than twenty years have passed since the late grapplers infamous run on top of the WWF (now WWE), women of all ages city-wide are mourning the loss of Savage, if not directly, then certainly every time they go to accessorize.

"It's really sad he died," said one passerby I chatted with while doing extensive research for this piece. "I do think that in the summer and warmer months, girls in Toronto do tend to suffer from a clear case of Macho Madness, ooooohhhh yeeeaaaahhh!"

READ PART ONE HERE

While others have complained about this new trend, we here at Critical Crushes say its par for the course, and that we all should embrace the late 80s (not 1990s) fashion sense of the late Randy Savage.

And when its rainy out, don't forget your shiny Macho Man booties! They come in all the colours of Macho Madness. Ohhh yeeeah.

WWE official montage for Savage.

Opticianado Junction

2011-07-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

I was impressed by this Junction optomotrist's window display and they were kind enough to send along some photos. In addition to helping you look good at the art of seeing, they have live music once in a while in the back!

Next time you are in the Junction, stop in and say hello.

PANIC ATTACK ON MARS

2011-06-19T10:59:00.001-07:00

Proper Concern 's working on their debut album

Find more Proper Concern songs at Myspace Music

PREDICTING DOUG : (PART 2)

2011-06-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

Continued from Part One.

In Bye, Bye Mon Cowboy, a famous Montreal pop chanteuse who peaked in 1991 finds herself at an Elle Magazine fundraiser country and western themed karaoke night when she meets Tyler, a retired tennis coach. What happens when two people from the same city who have never met meet and find there is one more spark and chapter left in their otherwise quiet life.

In Zine Catherine Morton (15) has a dream of selling out her first copy of Pink Football Fan zine. The only trouble is, her conniving and monsterous stepfather Jack Brisco is obsessed with taking pictures of Catherine's boyfriend Charles whenever he comes over for Sunday dinner. Catherine can't stand her stepfather's obsession, but doesn't want to ruin the lives of her family by writing about his obsessions in her fledgling zine. What will the featured story of her next bound-for-the-consignment-rack issue be? And will she confront her stepfather before her deadline?

In 2 1/2 Malcolm Brewer is nearly 31 years old. A decade of Magnetic Fields, Arcade Fire, Belle & Sabastian, The Rolling Stones and The Band has taken its toll on his peripheral discourse. If he attends one more yard sale, bagel infused brunch, indie concert, badminton tournament or Mile End comic jam, he's going to go on a murderous rampage, starting with his pet store manager of a girlfriend Sherri, whose pants get tighter every week.

With matching shoes, jackets and cigarettes, are they adorable or on the cusp of premature suicide? Things only get more abject when his treacherous cousin Daniel (an aspiring blogger) shows up and won't stop listening to Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. Faced with another night with his maniac cousin or a night on the town, the ever-aging Malcolm must confront reality head-on, or lose the ones he could care less about.

KATY PERRY swerves Robocop, parties instead

2011-06-17T06:01:00.000-07:00

Ripped my favorite party dress / Warrants out for my arrest / Think I need a ginger ale /That was such an epic fail

Well I thought that Katy was going to take my suggestion of working with Robocop this summer, but I was wrong.

Shahryar Rizvi over at the Dallas Cowboy blog (Dallas Observer yo) seems to have a problem with Katy Perry's new video, saying she's sick of the whole 80s thing. When did we have Facebook in the 1980s! OMG!

"I'm starting to think the whole '80s retro thing has run its course," Rizvi writes. Well, um, maybe if the born in 85 and up generation stopped appropriating the best generation's style (of course I don't recall ever wearing a lot of these combos yo) you wouldn't see so much of it in maintsream culture parodies or otherwise.

But Rizvi doesn't single out Katy. "We've seen plenty of it in recent memory, and now Katy Perry's latest single "Last Friday Night" is the latest attempt to pull at your nostalgic side -- while referencing, of course, to the ABC sitcom block T.G.I.F."

I have no idea what T.G.I.F. is and I'm probably at least ten years older than Rizvi.

Art stylists and video directors wanted summer colours, wanted things to pop, it's not their fault that this generation has failed to define itself aesthetically outside of oversized sunglasses, shinny rainboots and impotent tight skinny black jeans.

Then Rizvi says Katy is too old, why is she obsessed with youth? Look at Kevin Drew and BSS in Toronto, they sing about teenagers, their fanbase is mostly teenagers, look at the author of Twilight, the whole fucking planet is subserviant to youth culture because they control a large part of the market share.

Who wants to appeal to a bunch of jackass grad students or aging hipsters? They might as well be in seniors homes demographically.

Katy is playing a 13 year old or a 16 year old that is why there is a 13 year old in the video!

OMG and then Rizvi gets super hyperbolic and thinks Katy is going to become like a vampire and junk! "And it's making me worried. Who knows? Maybe Katy's obsession with youth will catch up with her. If she keeps this up, she might end up like Elizabeth Bathory and start bathing in the blood of virgins to keep herself looking young."

Rizvi continues to damn Katy's video and then the lyrics saying no one will related to credit-card having opportunities, bosses (from jobs) or cars. I think that if you watch any teen movie of the last 200 years they all had jobs, cars and credit cards.

She ends her article with a non-eighties reference, from Ren and Stimpy "Happy, happy. Joy, joy", and does however, point out that Katy invented the sax comeback before Lady Gaga, (who apparently has a saxy number in her arsenal) and predicts invisible sax stuff on the dance floor this summer. Wouldn't that be air sax? I think that rules.

At least the song rhymes and that is the most important thing, and you know, sylaballic resonance.

To read the article I'm enjoying cutting up to shreads and the video, click here.

	Katy Perry - Last Friday Night .mp3

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

I WROTE A BOOK

2011-05-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

(an appropriation remix of I'm On A Boat by Notho)

Ah shit, get your book marks ready it's about to go down (yeah, Heti)

Everybody on Facebook hit the fuckin launch yo (yeah, Skibsrud)

But stay on your motherfuckin prose

Globe b reviewin’ it so, go to Type books yo

[Chorus]

I wrote a book (I wrote a book)

I wrote a book (I wrote a book)

Everybody look at me cause like Salinger I wrote a book (we wrote a book)

I wrote a book (I wrote a book)

I wrote a book

Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin book (book, yeah)

excerpted in Matrix magazine (yeah yeah, 2006)

I wrote a book motherfucker take a look at me

Straight floatin wrote a book on the desktop then lap yo

Bustin five hundred advance, editor whippin at my throat

You can't stop me motherfucker cause I wrote a book

Take a picture, Quillblog I wrote a book, bitch (bitch)

We drinking Bud Light for cheap, cause it's so crisp (crisp)

I got my cacki pants, and my merlot at The Gladstone

You be crying over grants at Starbucks chokin on a scone (pho-sho)

I wrote it with these drugged dolphins, did them edits and shit

This animal metaphor’s a splashin, gettin e'rybody all wet

But this ain't no University, this is real as it gets

I wrote a book motherfucker, don't you ever forget

I wrote a book and, it's sellin’ fast and

I got a literary themed argyle afghan and a vest

I’m the king of the word, wrote a book like Cohen, Leo

If you're in the sullen audience at Pivot, then you're sho' not me-oh

{Get the fuck up, this book is real}

Fuck this song, I wrote a book, motherfucker (motherfucker)

Fuck trees, I kill them myself, motherfucker (motherfucker)

I on the NPbooks blog with my boys and girlees, motherfucker (yeah)

This book writer makes noise, motherfucker

Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)

Spine spread wide on the bookshelf (you can stretch out yo)

Gonna fly this book to the moon somehow (moon somehow)

Like James Patterson, anything is possible

Yeah, never thought I'd be writin’ a book

It's a big sweet wordily road (yeah)

James Joyce, Look at me, oh (all hands on book)

Never thought I'd see the day ReLit Shortlist on the TPL page

Two stars on Goodreads from Stuart Ross comin my way

Believe me when I say, I fucked two librarians yesterday!

[Chorus]

I wrote a book

I wrote a book

Everybody look at me cause I'm J D Sal-in-ger

I wrote a book

I wrote a book

Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin book

Whoahhh

Sha-sha-shorty, shorty story

Yeah yeah yeahhh

ROBOCOP & KATY PERRY (a dream project)

2011-05-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

First of all, stop bugging booksellers. They are great. They sell books you jerks.

Every once in a while on Twitter I ponder the possibilities. Last night I came to the conclusion that there are two types of entities in this world: Katy Perry and Robocop. So they should work together and revamp the franchise with Katy playing some sort of corporate girl stuck in the axis of evil and redemption and then at the end she falls head over high heels for Robocop.They could do a kick-ass music video too.

Come on Katy, make it happen. You know you wanna blow stuff up.

Fans get on board and make your own Katy and Robocop stuff!All proceeds go directly to the Waste of Time foundation.

Visit my site for no related content www.nathanielgmoore.net

REMEMBER COREY HAIM

2011-03-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

Remember Corey Haim, a good Jewish boy from North York Ontario who meant so much to so many young men and women growing up with him in the 1980s. He died a year ago today.

Please do not leave cruel comments. They will be deleted.

PREDICTING DOUG: The Next 6 Books (Part 1)

2011-02-20T15:39:00.000-08:00

The Sports Network (2012)

"Forget sports man! This is real life dammit!" At a national sportscasters conference in Albany New York, a hotel room full of blonde female sports casters and television personalities weather a terrible and unusual tropical storm. With various stations in North American in disarray over the fate of their beloved sports beauties, the world tune in and boost ratings like the networks have never seen. While praying they make it through unscathed, some executives are hoping that the "storm of the century" lasts just a bit longer.

Jean Coutu (2011)

It's 2013. Blockbuster Video is no more. Stuck with limited selection, the country is buying its Blue Ray and DVDs from gas stations, drug stores and shady souvenir shops. Barbara is a 14-year old teenage cosmetics countergirl at a Jean Coutu in Old Montreal. One a cold night in February, when Frangrance Heiress Emily Printemps arrives at the store, her life is turned upside dow when the store is robbed by two out of town newbie robbers, who wind up panicking and taking the Heiress, and Barbara hostage.

Star Wars (2014)

Tommy Norden is a 12 year old paperboy, living in Calgary. Obsessed with the headlines, comics and coupons he finds in his daily paper route, Tommy is constantly dreaming of far off places, miles from the comforts of his own familial reality. But when he reads about America's new Strategic Defense Initiative, he starts researching as best he can using his older brother Larry's new computer. When he accidentally hacks into a US Defense database and engages in a heated war of hang man with a giant nuclear arms computer, he realizes that his headline daydreaming has become all too real.

BREAKING INTO THE SHOOT (ARTICLE)

2011-02-04T13:56:00.001-08:00

BREAKING INTO THE SHOOT (NEW ARTICLE UP AT FIGHTING GEEK)

RECENT NON-FICTION

2011-01-26T10:03:00.000-08:00

Toronto The Bad (Globe & Mail)

Alisha Piercy Profile (Broken Pencil)

Sheila Heti VS. Toronto (Open Book: Toronto)

VERBICIDE MAGAZINE
Plus music interviews with Wheatus, Dandi Wind, Hot Panda here.

MUSIC YEAR IN REVIEW 2010

2010-12-23T14:44:00.000-08:00

This year has been an arbitrary Russian roulette of music findings. So here are some bands I found and musicians I would rather make fun of than endorse. Some of these acts are like comparing King of Queens to Seinfeld. Pink is the King of Queens of Pop Music let's say. And Katy Perry is the Everybody Loves Raymond of Pop.

Hot Panda

I saw these guys at the Toronto launch of their 2nd album. They are vibrant and full of fun.

Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley, please stop stealing my 2005 ideas, signed Madonna. Dear Miley, I'm glad whoever wrote your song liked Beautiful Life so much but please stop stealing my chorus and sound, thanks Ace of Base, 1993.

Little Scream

She played at the launch of Bowlbrawl in 2006 with Ladies Luncheon. Now she's doing stuff that sounds like this. She rawks, she's soft, she's a poet, she's a ghost, she's from the future, she's tough, she's gentle. She's playing at the Horseshoe in February 2011.

La Strada

Another great live act I saw live. Act. Live. Tons of energy and range, a veritable buffet of eclectic pop punk worth listening to live or on the internet.

Pink

I guess when you are Pink you want to be someone else. Raise Your Glass is her thesis on this matter. And this year you want to be Katy Perry. The only way Pink could become interesting is if someone makes a documentary on her fans, not her. This is probably one of the dumbest songs ever made. And what is on a Greatest Hits album from Pink? I can't think of three Pink songs, let along 12 or 13 for a hits compelation. And who is she singing about? This strange collective assumptive narrative is disturbing.

PINK LYRIC BONUS: " Don't be fancy just get dancy / why so serious?"

GOTTA HAVE FAITH: 2011

2010-12-10T13:00:00.001-08:00

George Michael's landmark debut solo LP is to be re-released on January 31, Sony Music has announced. I still remember the first time I heard I Want Your Sex (all three parts) on vinyl, my friend's brother had the single. For the next year it was all George. I remember a heavy radio ad campaign for the CNE show in Toronto in July. I didn't go.

Faith was originally scheduled for reissue this past September, but the plan was scrapped after Michael was jailed for driving under the influence.

Released in mid-1987, (though I didn't hear anything of it 'til September) Faith went on to sell more than 20 million copies worldwide and generate six US top five singles: 'I Want Your Sex', 'Faith', 'Father Figure', 'One More Try', 'Monkey' and 'Kissing A Fool'. Strangely 'Father Figure' was ousted for a while by Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up' a totally assinine song in comparison to 'Father Figure''s noir and taboo overtones.

It was named Album Of The Year at Grammy Awards in 1988. It's a great, fun pop album, nearly perfect, but his best album is 1990's Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1 and also 1996's Older.

The reissued version will be available in several different formats, including a "Limited Edition Numbered Collectors' Box Set".

Currently my story "Welcome To Balm Beach" (from Savage) in subTerrain has a reference to George Michael's song 'Monkey' as the story takes place in September 1988. The issue is on sale for another few weeks, in stores nation-wide.

WRONG BAR - TEENAGE DIRTBAG (BABY)

2010-12-08T07:46:00.001-08:00

Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby
Yeah I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby
Listen to Iron Maiden baby... with me
Ooohoooooo

Her boyfriend's a dick
he brings a gun to school
And he'd simply kick
My ass if he knew the truth
He lives on my block
and He drives an IROC
But he doesn't know who I am
And he doesn't give a damn about me...

All summer I used to sing the chorus of this classic Wheatus song for some reason, then I found this awesome version of it via my awesome friend and then I parlayed that into this trailer.

Wrong Bar on sale now at Indigo

VERBICIDE MAGAZINE: FAN DEATH INTERVIEW: DANDI WIND

2010-10-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

My interview with Canadian disco electro band Fan Death is up at Verbicide Magazine. They're playing in Vancouver in December.

Thanks for taking the time to talk Dandi. I hope you come to Toronto soon.

I AM A LITERARY DEATHMATCH (AND YOU'RE NOT)

2010-10-22T06:48:00.001-07:00

"We share a common passion," - Bret "Hitman" Hart to Nathaniel G. Moore in 2005 when NGM explained what Bowlbrawl was all about.

Opium Magazine's Literary Death Match invades Toronto with a bunch of nice, but soft and dare I say semi-elite Toronto writers. Not that its a bad thing, but they aren't what I consider to be deathmatch-worthy writers. They seem to be crowd pleasers with great publicists. They are all talented writers. But I deserve to be main eventing this match simply because no one in Canada has ever done the things I've done performance-wise to garner an association with a literary death match.

It's like the Toronto World Series teams being put together all over again. I wasn't on those teams either.

Okay granted, they've done a lot of shows like this, these Opium Magazine folk, all over the world, but to me it just seems like apropriation. To me it just seems like a work instead of a shoot. What is more interesting as performance is when the audience thinks things are going to get out of hand and then they actually fucking do.

I'm quite certain there won't be so much as a paper cut at this so-called Literary Death Match on November 2nd.

From the press material: "The Toronto LDM100 takes the stage on Tuesday November 2, 8:15 PM, at The Drake Hotel (1150 Queen Street West) with an all-star line-up of Toronto-based readers and judges that includes readers Claudia Dey, Ibi Kaslik, Susan Holbrook and Andrew Kaufman, with judges Julie Wilson and Lisa Gabriele."

My point is, a death match is suppose to imply peril, violence, struggle and not comedy. Not "off-the-wall commentary" or laser tag competitions. Fuck that noise. Claudia Dey isn't going to scissor kick Ibi Kaslik through a table. Andrew Kaufman isn't going to do a belly to belly suplex on the judges. Its going to be a total work, lots of laughs and guffaws. A Literary Pinching Fight maybe.

NATHANIEL G. MOORE SHOOTS ON OPIUM'S INVASION ANGLE:

"It's Toronto Fucking Noir all over again. Like when The Walrus had their Noir issue after they got word from my camp that we were doing Toronto Noir in mid 2008 and one of their associate editors pitched a noir issue for the magazine. Their spies took that idea and made it into an entire issue. Then they tried to smooth things over with a review of TN and a secret meeting apologizing and crying for stealing our ideas. Well I got news for you, I can't be bought and sold anymore. And IFOA, if you plan on doing a wrestling theme in 2015 and have some problem contacting me, don't worry, I'll already be in the lobby doing push-ups.

You know, I was in Montreal a few weeks ago, doing one of the best readings of my career, with a room full of 60 fans screaming at the top of their lungs, hanging on my every word. You know, it's nice to be in a place where you get a little respect. It's nice to go to a place where you see some kids in the audience too. But it goes back to my Cover article in the Ottawa Xpress. It's the same old story. I can't get a match with anybody. I've been doing this longer than both Broken Pencil and Opium Magazine combined. I released Bowlbrawl in 2005,(but started the concept in 1996) a performative book and video empire that made everyone run away screaming. And now everywhere I look people are emulating my ideas. Everyone is suddenly a fucking wrestler.

Now its as common as book marks and sneakers. Where are the villains? You have a city full of babyfaces with no bad guys to work with, what sort of morally illegible bullshit system are you trying to pull off Canada? You got Stuart Ross the ReLit champion hiding under a table in Kingston, you got Jon Paul Fiorentino...I guess he's afraid of me. We were supposed to watch a hockey game last time he was in town. You know I'm going to get right to the point, I got into this business to earn a reputation not lose it. I'm the only writer in Canadian history to be thrown through a table at a literary event. Remember the Throwdown In O-Town? The Puritan launch? When rob mclennan hit me in the head with a frying pan? Then a steel chair? I'm the only one who has ever done that. To have his tooth chipped. To bleed and have people come up to me afterwards praising me, telling me I was a God.

Opium Magazine is putting up all this money to have Penguin Canada author Ibi Kaslik participate in their deathmatch, well I beat Ibi Kaslik every time I ever faced her! So Opium, I'm not going anywhere 'til you come out of your luxury hotel room trembling with fear because you can face me right here this week in Toronto Canada!
I am the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be, and everyone backstage in Toronto knows it! I will kick all your asses, your interns, editors, pie-makers, every last one of you until your mascara runs all the way to the fucking airport. Don't cry death match unless you want one!"

Scroll down to watch slideshow of Throwdown circa 2008

GILLER SHORTLIST FOR MY MOTHER

2010-10-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

This morning in Toronto, the five finalists for the Scotiabank Giller Prize were announced. The finalists were selected by a jury panel made up of Michael Enright, Claire Messud and Ali Smith. Looks like my mom might have to buy a small press book! She usually prefers to support multi-national publishers with large ad campaigns who get a lot of exposure on the CBC and the Globe and bustops, etc. I published Sarah in 2005 in my anthology Desire, Doom & Vice. She even did a puppet show for me. I went to her book launch in May in Toronto, it was fancy. I just started the MacLeod book, as we just got it in the mail recently at Broken Pencil. And I saw Johanna read a few months ago but I think it was poetry. That she read.

The 2010 Scotiabank Giller Prize Finalists:

•David Bergen for The Matter with Morris (Phyllis Bruce Books/Harper Collins Publishers Ltd.)
•Alexander MacLeod for Light Lifting (Biblioasis)
•Sarah Selecky for This Cake is for the Party (Thomas Allen Publishers)
•Johanna Skibsrud for The Sentimentalists (Gaspereau Press)
•Kathleen Winter for Annabel (House of Anansi Press)

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

2010-09-22T16:56:00.000-07:00

Bohemia Sucks.

Why is it in CanLit or CanArt for that matter, we are constantly writing or creating visuals about technology, self-aware protagonists who are writers, self-aware narratives who are artists, who are the writers of the books themselves, or constantly writing about being failed male heroes or bohemian pedestrians constantly navel-gazing and trying to survive in urban reality?

Why is it the young creative sect embraces white emotional indie bands yet the mainstream and majority of consumers in the world embrace cliche-driven pop narratives such as Eminem who has written the exact same class-driven anthem of domestic/sexual violence against women since 1999?

Why are we afraid of dealing with cliche? Why are we forced to write or create just outside of our own trite existence?

Urban anxiety, urban sex and bohemian compromise is over. LoserLit is over. It's time to return to simplistic domestic pantomime and figure things out from square one. No one wants to read, let alone buy, another stupid book written about the anxieties of growing up in an urban setting and dealing with drug or club culture.

There's a reason why Eminem's formula works: people relate to his romantic narcisism and sense of domestic duty. They relate to the narrative split between victim and aggressor. They relate to his class motive as well: it could be a frat boy, an architect or a basketball player, a drug dealer, an aspiring high school gym class instructor. It's working class, obvious and attempting to preserve a social pairing that is acceptable by the middle class. It is not trying to demonstrate a creative hiarachy or annoying intellecualism.

From Wikipedia: The video depicts a couple (portrayed by actors Dominic Monaghan and Megan Fox) in a love-hate relationship. The couple repeatedly fight, break things, steal, and make up again, with scenes flashing back to happier times in their relationship.[51] Other scenes include the two celebrities on top of a liquor store, inside the store and "at a seedy dive bar next door" to it.[52] Towards the end of the video, both Fox and Monaghan's characters are engulfed by flames.[53]

Monaghan was cast in the video first, and suggested Fox for the role of the girlfriend.[54] Shots of Rihanna in front of a house that bursts into flames are featured while she sings the chorus, with Eminem rapping his verses in a desolate field, as well as joining Rihanna in front of the burning house toward the end of the video.[55][51][56] The video became an online phenomenon, gaining 6.6 million hits in its first 24 hours on VEVO, and 18 million views in five days.[57] It broke a YouTube record for having the most views in 24 hours.[58]

FILM BUFF RONCY

2010-09-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

Is it just everyone in Toronto or are the staff at Roncy Film Buff totally kind of passive aggressive? Do they think they're in a music video from 1996? Why do they treat their clientele like they themselves are being harrassed by telemarketers?

If you have any horror stories while trying to rent Jaws or Cat On A Hot Tin Roof from these people, please let me know.

Who asked them to act like the clerks from High Fidelity anyway?

I go in once a month or so and try to get them to come out of their shells but for the most part, I simply don't have the time to correct their obvious mood disorder.

Please comment and let's try and find an attitude ajustment for these weirdos.

We will not tolerate this abuse any longer! I don't care how many flavours of ice cream you have or how cool you think your haircut is. Customer service is a right, not a myth.

2 LEGIT 2 QUIT : NGM TOUR ANNOUNCED, RELIT SHORTLIST

2010-08-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

NATHANIEL G MOORE'S WRONG BAR HAS BEEN SHORTLISTED FOR THE 2010 RELIT AWARD

3 readings in 4 nights. Has it been done? Can it be done?

NGM will be taking part in three epic performances this fall after reaching agreements with organizers over the summer. “Yes, he’s reading,” one enthusiastic organizer confirmed via Friendster.

Thursday September 23rd as part of the LiveWords Reading Series in Toronto at the Black Swan Restaurant just east of Broadview and Danforth.

Elisabeth De Mariaffi
Nathaniel G. Moore
Jacob Scheier

Saturday September 25th, as part of the Culture Day Tightrope Bonanza reading (then he’s getting on a train to go to Montreal) this reading starts around 1pm and will last for three hours.

Ian Burgham, The Grammar of Distance
David Livingstone Clink, Monster
Sandra Kasturi, The Animal Bridegroom
Nathaniel G. Moore, Wrong Bar
Jim Nason, The Girl on the Escalator
Myna Wallin, Confessions of a Reluctant Cougar
Heather Wood, Fortune Cookie

Montreal

Sunday September 26th as part of the Pilot Reading Series which Nathaniel believes is put on by the children of Matrix Magazine but is never really sure. “If you google Montreal Pilot Nathaniel G. Moore September 26 that weekend you might be in luck,” says Nathaniel. It might also be at The Sparrow, 5322 St. Laurent Blvd.

Now watch this and get excited:

Library Wrong Bar Toronto Public

DRUNK DRIVER GARAGE SALE

2010-08-28T07:45:00.000-07:00

In the future there are no bikes. And one family must struggle between having enough affordable domestic items at their disposal or supporting the man who ran over their Parkdale dog.

Using a multi-faceted delivery system of artistic prowess including nostalgia, pedestrian restraint, post-capitalism and concrete agenda, this new live reading of the text and art installation will take place starting Monday September 1, 2010 until January 7th, 2011 on Ossington between Queen and Dundas.

Cars and drivers will "pretend" they are ignoring the major narrative arc provided by the project, but its to add to the realism. This partially "found" project received no funding and was written entirely on items bought at garage sales.

If you are interested in hosting a garage sale during these dates, please let us know.

This project was inspired in part by the Toronto film "No Heart Feelings".

JOSH & ADAM SHOW

2010-08-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

The Josh and Adam show is a slick mini-web-tv type outfit currently featured on the internet. The episode about the superheroes is funny, as the heroes seem as if they both have mono and would rather be in bed, possibly together. The Laughinator is the bad guy here, and he has a bowling pin.

I mean, in the effortless world of video art, or scratch that word "art" at the end and replace it with "crap" or let's say Youtube culture where a lot of junk is exposed to the world, at least there are people trying to put an effort into things, hiring set people and renting spaces, doing well-thought out voice-overs, adding sound effects and changing costumes once in a while.

Best line: "Wow, I just ran five thousand miles to get here." Not too shabby. I think they're going for a real mainstream audience, like people who buy milkshakes on a regular basis.

There is something very awkward about the whole experience, which at least makes you a part of the overall rollercoaster ride of watching it. They just need to insert more conflict into their overall narrative arc.

It's a different medium than say a boring poem or a terrible short story: a simpler medium with a few surprises and this particular series has a real lost in the 90s feel to it, though I'm sure both these guys were only 4 when the nineties started. And why not throwback to the 1990s for a while anyway, it isn't so bad, since this decade seems to be all about not trying at all.

At least Josh and Adam's characters are trying to do something, be something, and not just have things like fame, money, girls and stardom handed to them like say the premise of The Hills or something. I think these little morsels are bait to something they are hoping will pan out in the near future. Sort of like opening a hot dog stand on the beach then in a few years a nice restaurant with a water dish for dogs outside by the patio.

I also liked the girl who hits Adam in the head with a Frisbee is wearing a JUST SAY NO TO CRYPTONITE tshirt.

Somewhere between nearly an award-winning commercial (you know how in the UK they always have award shows for best commercials that no one in NA has seen?) and those awkward shorts on SNL, the Josh & Adam show fits nicely into Broken Pencil's state of fame project; the entire format is a commentary on the state of DIY crash tv formula.

By using that great buzz word "appropriation" we can just about get any message across to just about anyone who can see and hear. By blurring the borders of iconic recognition and changing it slightly, re-contextualizing things, well gosh Josh and Adam, you can't really go wrong. Or can you?

This series and website could be a front to some sort of terrorist cell in Los Angeles that no one has the guts to expose. There's something too straightforward about all this, something is in the works and I don't intend to find out what it is.

For more information on these two, click here

JUST WHAT IS IT ABOUT PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING?

2010-08-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

This is a framed print from the cover of Mad Magazine that came out circa late 1988 or early 1989. It was their wrestling satire issue, and was way ahead of its time. I've been looking for this online for about a year or so. Haven't seen this in a very long time. Made a two dollar bet with my best friend that Macho Man Randy Savage would retain his WWF title against challenger Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania V. I lost, so did Macho.

from rob mclennan's blog circa summer 2010:
Ottawa ON: Produced by Ottawa writer Matthew Firth’s Black Bile Press is Toronto writer Nathaniel G. Moore’s “Sensational” Sherri (2009). Just what is it about professional wrestling, between this and his first novel, Bowlbrawl (Montreal QC: Conundrum Press, 2005) that keeps Moore (who once appeared on City TV’s Ed the Sock in a Mexican wrestling mask and subsequent match), and even Michael Holmes, going? “Never mind Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler…” the back cover tells us.

Recently in Toronto, a posh Toronto poet overheard Spencer and I talking about wrestling and literature and shouted that we were the only ones who would "get" whatever it was we were plotting. The stigma of wrestling is such an annoying thing, that it makes writing about it all the more fun and a bit of a challenge. I'm actually applying to become a pro wrestling journalist this fall, and see if I can make some money. It's also a way of doing non-fiction, and keeping the sport out of my novel Savage.

Yes fans, currently I'm working on Savage, and discovering more and more that it is not about wrestling, but does, from time to time, stumble upon a moment of wrestling's glory days (1980s) but is not written in the style of my surreal domestic investigational short story "Randy Savage's Moustache" (published in JPF's Career Suicide! DC Books 2003).

I've been reading a great poem by Roberto Bolano called "The Last Savage" and it is really quite amazing how close it is to my overall arc, to the extent there is a haunting and recurring image of a lost childhood friendship, an obsession with music lyrics, and a really suburban/urban anxiety at work.

In terms of mood I'm using wrestling theory such as the melodrama, homosocial occupancy and "perfect bastards" redeeming themselves by becoming heroes as part of the book's mechanics. I want to write a cliche melodrama. And that's what I'm doing.

Ohhh yeeaahh. Movies such as Control about Joy Division are also finding their way into my vision: a person's struggle between personal expression/fantasy and domestic virtue. I've also been watching Masculine/Feminine and Les Bonnes Femmes. Lots of French cinema.

I don't want to mention his name but he's from a Canadian city and he's a Coach House poet, his new book has a poem about "jobbers" in it, or at least the word jobber. What is a jobber? Come now. Someone who loses, who works to lose. Roughly speaking.

I don't have to tell you about Michael Holmes entire collection called Parts Unknown, or Jacob Mooney's recent chapbook by The Emergency Response Unit and his lovely and engaging poem about Andre The Giant.

And keeping this infomercial going, Spencer has a great story called Jobbers in which the whole family is seemingly hooked up on WWF energy circa 1991. Stay tuned for the official announcement, once we figure out how to write out a simple description, but, like Kevin Nash once said in the fall of 1999 when Bobby "The Brain" Hennan asked when The Outsiders were coming back to wrestling..."We're getting the band back together."

MONTREAL MUSIC HAPPENINGS

2010-08-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

Belgrave (formerly Coral Red) + Little City + The Thanya, Emilie, Ali Band
Thursday, August 26th, 2010, 8:30pm
Bar St Laurent (5550 St Laurent)
$6 in advance or 4-for-$19 at www.indiemontreal.ca / $8 at the door

ACID KIDS (Dim Mak, Berlin) + DJ Heidy + Pom Pom War A Live & DJ Event!
Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 9:30pm
Le Belmont (4483 St. Laurent)
8$ in advance or 4-for-29$ at www.indiemontreal.ca / 10$ at the door

Darling Ghost + Voila + Deer Ashes Deer
Tuesday, August 31, 2010, 8:30pm
Casa del Popolo (4483 St. Laurent)
$6 in advance or 4-for-$19 at www.indiemontreal.ca / $8 at the door

Brittany Kwasnik
Saturday, September 14, 2010, 8:30pm
Le Cagibi (5490 St. Laurent)
FREE!

The Pack A.D + Young Rival + guest
Monday, September 20, 2010 Doors 8:30 pm

Divan Orange (4234 St. Laurent)

Tickets $8 or 4-for-$29 at http://www.indiemontreal.ca $10 at the door

The Coast + Bananafish
Saturday, September 25th, 8:30pm
Bar St Laurent (5550 St Laurent)
8$ in advance or 4-for-29$ at www.indiemontreal.ca

The Winks CD Release @ Pop Montreal

Thursday, September 30, 2010, 8:00 pm

w/ The Winks, Babe Rainbow, Gavin Sheehan, Darling Ghost, Erin Lang & The Foundlings Il Motore (179 Jean Talon O.) Tickets $6 or 4-for-$19 at http://www.indiemontreal.ca/

$8 at the door

Doors 8:00 pm / Music 8:30 SHARP

A CO-PRESENTATION WITH POP MONTREAL

Saturday, October 2, 2010

INDIE MONTREAL SHOWCASE @ POP MONTREAL

THE GOLDEN DOGS (Toronto) + BEND SINISTER (Toronto) + THE BALCONIES (Ottawa) + LAURENT BOURQUE + THIS INVENTION MATTERS

3 Minots (3812 St. Laurent)

Tickets $6 or 4-for-$19 at http://www.indiemontreal.ca/

$8 at the door

Doors 8:00 pm / Music 8:30 SHARP

A CO-PRESENTATION WITH POP MONTREAL

BIRTHDAY BOYS (Ontario) + SUNFIELDS + STANFIELDS (Ontario)
Thursday, October 7, 2010, 8:30 pm

L'Esco (4467 St. Denis)

Tickets $8 or 4-for-$29 at http://www.indiemontreal.ca/

$8 at the door

The Wind Up Radio Sessions + David Roy Parsons + Stephan Dumont
Friday, October 8, 2010 Doors 8:30 pm
3 Minots (3812 St. Laurent)

Tickets $6 or 4-for-$19 at http://www.indiemontreal.ca

Dave Borins + Flora Poste + Erin Costello
Thursday October 14, 2010 at 8:30pm
3 Minots (3812 St Laurent)
$6 in advance or 4-for-$19 at www.indiemontreal.ca / $8 at the door

Brett Caswell and the Marquee Rose + Philémon Chante + The Thanya, Emilie and Ali Band
Friday October 15 2010 at 8:30pm
3 Minots (3812 St Laurent)
6$ in advance or 4-for-19$ at www.indiemontreal.ca / 8$ at the door

Christina Martin + Cuff The Duke + Patrick Brealey
Sunday, October 17, 2010, 8:30 pm
Divan Orange (4234 St. Laurent)
$6 in advance or 4-for-$19 at www.indiemontreal.ca / $8 at the door

Justin Rutledge + David Martel
Thursday, November 4th, 8:30pm
Le Cagibi (5490 St. Laurent)

The Balconies + Laurent Bourque + Sandman Viper Command
Saturday, November 20th, 2010, 8:30pm
Divan Orange (4234 St Laurent)
8$ or 4 for 29$ at www.indiemontreal.ca

Amelia Curran + Rose Cousins
Thursday, December 2nd, 2010, 8:30pm
Divan Orange (4234 St. Laurent)
Tickets 12$ or 4 for 39$ at www.indiemontreal.ca

BONO VOX

2010-08-16T10:18:00.001-07:00

Jake`s blog is the best thing going in the world of publishing. Everyone is so damn serious all the time, yet somehow Jake`s ability to write about books in humours ways is never annoying or desperate. He's working on a new book that is coming out in the spring. He was born the same year as Return of the Jedi was released!

I read with Jacob McArthur Mooney in a month`s time, so I don`t really know what to do. Maybe I'll read from Hitman.

I guess I'll just do a straightforward reading. But I'm not sure what to read.

I'm profiling Alisha in the next issue of Broken Pencil. She wears facepaint sometimes but is nothing like The Ultimate Warrior. Which is a good thing.

I just profiled Elisabeth here.

JEREMY SPOKE IN CLASS TODAY

2010-08-13T16:39:00.000-07:00

Jeremy Milk's book came out last year, but we just got it (2 copies) at the Broken Pencil office last month. I don't know why it took him a year to send it to us, but then again, he is sort of a mystery. He published it himself and it is a true DIY effort, unhinged, creepy, desperate and full of paranoia. We'll be reviewing it in the next issue, or issue 50. So far I like most of the stories, they remind me of that weird sort of genre between literary fiction, urban noir fiction, science fiction and horror.

Jeremy was in the first issue of Broken Pencil in 1995, he's around 34 now, so that would make him barely 20 when he made his BP origin.

For more information click here.

SUMMERSLAM 2010

2010-08-12T10:14:00.000-07:00

Down and Derby book interview here

State of Fame Summer Camp Broken Pencil Project here

Invisible Publishing profile here

2010 Relit Longlist here

And rumour has it Rocky IV, and the Russian anthology published by Tin House are just part of the grand prize pack for Death Match IV.

Katy Perry is playing Smurfette, and this, well it explains itself.

And a work in progress, a report on the state of magazine publishing in Canada, which will cover a few different areas of interest including sonic youth.

It's training time...

Indie Writers DEATHMATCH IV

"The Deadliest Fiction Contest on the Planet"

It's back. The world's most dangerous literary contest. Check your ego at the gates of hell and start penning your sickest, most depraved bone-crushing fiction for our den of vipers to judge. Enter by December 31st, 2010 and get ready for the bodies to hit the floor! And remember: don't trust anyone.

TAKE THAT LESLIE

2010-08-07T12:24:00.000-07:00

Emily "Amadeus" Haines has finally "eclipsed" her bosom buddy Leslie Feist who appeared on Sesame Street and iPod commercials a couple of years ago, leaving her hobo BSS friends in the dust.

Emily, you rule. And thanks for sneering at me in 2004 in your little leather coat at Green Room, you made me want to be a better person. And find my inner Haines. "Nathaniel is a 14 year old girl" - fellow Tightrope Books author Sean Stanley, author of the highly amusing and erotic Etcetera and Otherwise, summer 2010.

"Eclipse" (All Yours) by Metric.

For a trip to 2008 click here

To see Sean's book go here.

To read a poem about Emily go here

Emily saying "Terrifying Barbies"

THE THORNCLIFFE STRANGLER

2010-08-02T15:44:00.001-07:00

Though there is no proof to link Tom Norden to the Thorncliffe Strangler, they do share a lot of similarities in personal history.

Norden grew up in the neighborhood in the mid-1970s and remained in the building complex on Thorncliffe Drive up until two years ago when he married and moved to the Chester station area.

Known for his frequent walks circa 1990-2007 around the Coca-Cola factory, train tracks, Zellers and Pizza Pizza areas, as well as stops at the Thorncliffe Library, gas station, Swiss Chalet and Thrift store where some say he bought a variety of disguises, Norden's disappearance from the area in recent years has not cooled off any investigations.

"The chief problem," says Phillip Syther, head of Friends of Thorncliffe Park is that "we have no way of capturing someone who has no face. We have no record of what he actually looks like, or if it is a male perpetrator, or if the so-called Thorncliffe Strangler actually ever existed. No one has really come forth."

Having toured the area with Norden in the years 1990, 1991, 1995, 1996, 1999, 2002, 2004 and as recently as 2006, I can assure you that if there was a "strangler" in the neighbourhood, Norden would likely know this person by name. "Since there have only been rumours of this strangler, and no real evidence," says Syther, "it could be that we are dealing with a criminal who is simply not yet of age, who was born recently in the neighbourhood, and is growing a fanbase for further exploitations down the road. There is no link to suggest that Tom Norden is the Thorncliffe Strangler."

For more information 1 2
3

WITHOUT THOUGHT ART SHOW

2010-08-02T15:27:00.000-07:00

Without Thought explores the formal and metaphorical qualities of cotton and wolf images. Works by sixty-seven Toronto-based artists re-examine traditional notions of visual representations using a variety of media-mainly blankets and sweatshirts. Ideas of sequencing, emptiness, howling as metaphor for the artist, the repetition of icons, the futility of image and the wolf as an object and a container for thoughtlessness will be explored. From flea markets to mall gift shops, wolf images have been used to keep us warm and to decorate our lives. Beginning with the wolf as object and idea, this exhibition offers an unexpected interpretation of this ubiquitous art form. Life without thought is like a wolf howl, a pure sound, stifled, replicated, unique, vast and full of determination.

Without Thought
Curated by Nathaniel G. Moore
September 12-19th
Dingo Gallery
1432 Steeles Avenue
North York, Ontario

for information on this event please contact no one

So Help Me Monster

2010-07-31T05:48:00.001-07:00

Don't expect a lot of links for this one.

I get a lot of fanmail from Japan. That's where the new rumoured rob mclennan blog dvd is being produced. His entire blog from 2007-2009 is not only being translated into the country's native tongue, but is also being acted out.
While most writers seem to have a messed up life, rob is a guy that did all the rights things. Unfortunately, that doesn't lead to a riveting documentary. After watching this documentary, with the exception of a few tidbits, I don't feel like I know anything more about him than I learned in the 10-minute feature they did on him in the Greatest Bloggers of the '80s DVD. There are 18 special features on the disc. It would have been nice for there to have been a select all feature on the DVD so you can watch them all with one click of the remote. The highlight of these is his Doctor Blog Hall of Fame Induction speech. While that is nice to be on the DVD, it was released on DVD a year ago and I would rather have seen another reading or possibly paper folding seminar on the set in its place or the attacks that led to some of his greatest rivalries.

Another great feature in the DVD is there is a review I wrote for his novel missing persons. The translation seems to be riviting or something, because the Japanese fans in the audience laugh a lot and actually start to clap and do the wave as well as my review is being read. I remember saying what I liked about mclennan's second novel was the pace, the way in which, (I guess you have to use the word lyric, or lyrical) the author uses language as a means of giving the work its own breathing aparatus. Once you get hooked into the pattern or beat, it's hard to put it down. The novel is also hinged on a nostalgic drive, or hitched to a nostalgic drive, again, I can't recall the exact words I used in this review, because once I finished writing it, the Japanese business people took it away from me. I was in their Toronto office for about thirty minutes. I went back last week to see if they are still there and it's now a BMV.

Monkey is a very popular title for books these days. I think Elyse Friedman or George Michael started the trend a few years ago, and recently Brooklyn's Soft Skull Press released a title with Monkey in it, and in the past month, the Broken Pencil office have received two additional books with Monkey in the title. Robbie Williams had a pretty terrible song in 2003 called Me and My Monkey and as I mentioned, George Michael projected his own obsession with cocaine with his summer 1988 smash hit Monkey. I believe I mention this song in an upcoming chapter from Savage which is coming out in the new issue of SubTerrain. The issue's themes is "Signs".

With the first window to trade Tomas Kaberle for a top six forward letting in nothing but hot air, the Maple Leafs will move to the next phase. This includes fielding offers from the literary community. The team received three serious offers for the puck-moving defenceman over the past two days in Los Angeles and from downtown Toronto (are we getting a new team?) but none loaded enough to tempt general manager Brian Burke.

Well, as legend has it, tonight Brian Burke returns home from his cell-phone free, fishing trip and talks could once again commence on the possible moving of Tomas Kaberle.

Tightrope Books has continually denied rumours of offering the services of poet David Clink for the rights to Kaberle's new cookbook co-authored by Leaf's goalie Jonas "The Monster" Gustavsson. The book, Lunches With The Monster is a wopping 532 pages long, written in freehand with loads of healthy options to bring out the tiger in you. However Burke is against bringing Clink into the fold since he's not an athlete. "He's not an athlete, I don't care if he wears a tie every day of his life," the boss continued. "He's not for us, and we're not in the cookbook business, we're definately not in the peotry business."

To appease both parties, Tightrope is releasing Clink's second book of poetry, aptly titled Monster. I wonder what the cover of Monster will be? Says Clink about his new collection "Roarrrr, Boooorooaroar, Snack....Dooooorooarioooo!" I guess it must be experimental language poetry. Naw, there's no such thing. Two years ago Clink was eating fruit out of season. I guess that turned him into a monster.

I almost wrote a book about an INXS song called Never Tear Us Apart and I almost wrote it yeah and almost called it Monster Ballads. Then I changed it to Goodbye Horses. Then I stopped writing it. There was a book of poetry in the states in the 1970s that I found at a thrift clothing store. It was called Monster. It sold 30,000 copies in the first six months of its release in hardcover. It is a feminist text. Do you know the word shark has some sort of germanic origin and means monster in the sea? I read that somewhere when I was obsessed by Sharks. Monster is also the name of a serial killer movie starring that six foot impossible to spell or say her name lady. She was on season 3 of Arrested Development.

Struggling Toronto poet and likely genius Ewan Whyte was recently at my birthday party at Sweaty Betty's and showed me the new Tightrope Book that is all about art and bullets. He gave me a moleskin notebook and a copy of Bill Evans The Bill Evans Album. Evan is like my cousin or something. He seems to know everyone in the art world, and by art world I mean Yonge and Dundas. Anyway back to the book, there's a nifty JFK painting done with bullets. Whyte was explaining to the crowd on hand how the artist couldn't shoot the painting in the states that it is illegal, probably because they are not used to guns in the States. The book is coming out soon, and Ewan might even be at the launch. The Art or War: The Bullet Paintings of Viktor Mitic with an Introduction by Ewan Whyte is hardcover I believe, and is perfect for those you know who like bullet art. Didn't William Seward Burroughs do shotgun art? I seem to remember going to Chelsea and seeing an exhibit.

Speaking of Chelsea, I was at The Central yesterday and heard the waitstaff going "Chelsea and Krystal in the danger zone" and the speaker was the bartender Chelsea or something. Which is strange because I was right across the street from Tightrope Books where Wrong Bar sits in piles sobbing, locked up (joking, they've all been shipped to Japan for translation/DVD production) and Chelsey and Krystal are the names of characters in the book. At the bar they were talking about three boys they met at a pool and how they were all going on a triple date. I was trying not to listen to her conversation, but then I ended up booking a launch there anyway for the 14th of August for a little party I'm throwing, and they had no grapefruit juice. What is it with bars and grapefruit juice? Is it taboo or something? This is all code so the translators don't steal more of my ideas. I'm going to see my father this morning, or later this afternoon with my brother. I haven't seen my father since the week before Bowlbrawl was released in 2005.

Another book I'm excited about is the Coach House Book of poetry by Gary Barwin. Did I say that right? I saw some mock ups for the cover, I hope they use the Monty Python/Yellow submarine one.

I actually like this Robbie song. It reminds me of when my cat Jimmy died in 2003. He was my monkey. My friend Warren loathed the line about the Monkey bed. Now go study the lyrics. Okay here they are.

REVENGE OF THE DAFT

2010-07-26T09:27:00.002-07:00

Did anyone read Stacey May Fowles piece on Lady Gaga at the Walrus blog? I enjoyed the piece, which I thought was at first a concert review, then it turned into something a bit more interesting.

While Stacey seems to think Gaga is a nerd, or represents part of a repressive nerdom turned cool, I have been thinking of other alleged weirdos who are creeping up into the last year of the decade to take their spot in pop cultural history. While Winehouse and Allen were the top two female pop stars a few years ago, they have fizzled as of late.

Lily is toying with retirement at 24 or however old she is, (I also heard she wants to open a cake shop) and Amy is well, Amy. But where Lily's subtle camp and playful videos were always done well, and never fraught with desperation, I can't help but truly believe the next incarnation of pop divas (or let's say pop stars/ white girls)is going to be totally thoughtless, self-objectifying/nullifying and in no way ironic.

If I was going to write a book right now to make money, I would write "I WISH THESE WERE BRAINS" How Katy Perry Killed Pop Music Videos For Good. Or just plain old pop music period.

I keep thinking I'm watching a fake music video that's in one of her boyfriend's terrible movies, where they cut away to some fake female pop star who is sacrificing herself to the Gods of bad taste. In the context of the film it's funny, but in the reality of pop music, if there even is one anymore, it's nothing but annoying.

Ah, my book. The international bestseller. The MTV debate. The Grammies. The NME interview. The cover would have Katy in one of her oh-so-cute poses wearing a T-shirt that read "I WISH THESE WERE BRAINS" and she wouldn't be joking one bit.

Where Robbie Williams never seemed to catch on in the US for his campy comedic overtures, Katy Perry has taken what seems to be an ongoing commercial for male body sprays and date rape (if there were commercials for date rape) and parlayed them into the most shallow career in the history of pop.

I mean, 11-year-old girls watch this and want to be her? She makes crotchy DX-like gestures and endorses the male gaze like a sorority prankster on speed.

Where Gaga is creating a new genre with some horror/love/art/pop, Perry has become the poster girl for desperation, attention-seeking and is essentially a dolled-up dork with a following of like-minded cannibals who should all go out and listen to True Blue by Madonna or True Faith by New Order and remember what pop music is actually suppose to sound like.

SCREAM PUB CRAWL

2010-06-27T14:34:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, July 7, 2010 - 7:00pm

VARIOUS LOCATIONS ALONG OSSINGTON AVENUE
Cost: CHOOSE YOUR OWN DONATION

7:00PM–7:45PM
Camp 4 - 1173 Dundas St. W
Sheila Heti
Gary Barwin
Michael Knox
Red Light - 1185 Dundas Street West
Souvankham
Thammavongsa
Christopher Doda
MYSTERY READER
8:00–8:45PM
Reposado - 136 Ossington Ave
Kyle Buckley
Zoe Whittall
Nathaniel G. Moore
The Ossington - 61 Ossington Ave
Sachiko Murakami
Shannon Bramer
Jay MillAr
9:00–9:45PM
Baby Huey - 72 Ossington Ave
Aisha Sasha John
Emily Schultz
Daniel Scott Tysdal
LeVack Block - 88 Ossington Ave
Meaghan Strimas
Steve Venright

Chart your own course through the evening: 18 Toronto writers are positioned in competing timeslots and venues along Ossington Avenue. Pick up your itinerary, a Choose Your Own Poetic Adventure storybook at each venue, or download a pdf from thescream.ca. Which way to reward, and which to madness? Featuring: Sheila Heti, Jay MillAr, Shannon Bramer, Michael Knox, Nathaniel G. Moore, Steve Venright, Meaghan Strimas, Christopher Doda, Sachiko Murakami, Zoe Whittall, Aisha Sasha John, Beatriz Hausner, Souvankham Thammavongsa, Kyle Buckley, Daniel Scott Tysdal, a.rawlings, Gary Barwin, Emily Schultz.

VARIOUS LOCATIONS ALONG OSSI

wrong bar globe review

2010-03-13T13:41:00.000-08:00

No one will ever call Nathaniel G. Moore’s bizarre new novel boring

Reviewed by Edward Brown

Globe and Mail

If, through a combination of science and psychedelia, Hunter S. Thompson and William S. Burroughs made a baby, the product of their union would go by the name Nathaniel G. Moore. Tightrope Books, the publisher of Moore’s frenetic second novel, Wrong Bar, should have been required to plaster the cover with a warning. Right below the title, in big, bold font, a caption informing readers to brace themselves, to prepare to be hurled at breakneck speed through the brilliantly imaginative mind of one of this country’s small-press marvels.

Caution aside, here’s a guarantee: Nowhere in Canadian publishing, small press or otherwise, is there a writer quite like Nathaniel G. Moore, or a novel quite like Wrong Bar. Among the creations oozing from Moore’s pen is a gigantic metallic insect covered with mossy grey pubic hair and numerous pulsating eyes. This beast emerges from a Maudlin City manhole, intent on tormenting the protagonist with something resembling a huge, pink phallic wand (you really must read it for yourself).

.
There are wood wasps burrowing into the brains of humans; there are earthworms possessed with an ability to converse with one another. There are also dance parties, drugs, death and sex.

Wrong Bar defies categorization. Part first-person narration, part hallucinatory observation, the story progresses through several devices, including the use of text messages, a film script, news clippings, transcripts from police reports and a couple of (simplistic) illustrations.

The novel’s opening chapter resembles scraps of film that could well have been found on the editing-room floor of that Jim Carrey film about a pet detective. Because its creator is Nathaniel G. Moore, though, the imagery is well above any Hollywood script.

Moore’s central character, author-poet Charles Haas, who incidentally appears to be in the midst of a writer’s funk, is the mastermind behind Operation Gemini. Haas goes undercover to investigate an illegal domestic fish farm operating out of the Maudlin City pet store, Sloppy Salmon’s Wet Pet Centre.

Moore’s dialogue is spiny, yet polished, humorous in a things-could-go-drastically-wrong-at-any-second kind of way. Having “quarantined” (read: gagged and duct taped) the employees in a back storage room, Haas poses as a Sloppy Salmon employee, serving snotty-nosed customers while noting the conditions of the store’s aquaculture: “Harsh growth conditions. … Steroids in the eyes, fucked up water sources … shoddy fish feeders … bleeding tanks haven’t been properly cleaned and would never pass inspection.” Genuine concern, or so it seems, until several passages later when Haas and his long-suffering literary intern, Cate, meet at a sushi hut for a debrief and lunch.

When Wrong Bar threatens to get silly, it suddenly veers headlong into serious. Without intending to, Haas becomes mixed up with a horde of degenerate youths led by hatemongering Shawn Michaels. Under his spell are minions Jim and Lee. Along for the ride are a clowder of hellcats. All conspire in a plot of revenge, destruction and murder, and in the middle of it all is Charles Haas. At 29, he proves no match for the cultish young folks’ stamina and cruelty. Haas is still plying his trade on a typewriter, for Pete’s sake.

Making the novel all the more pertinent is a notation on the final pages of the book stating that inspiration for the work arose from the real-life murder of a 14-year-old Toronto girl, as well as a 2007 MySpace hoax that resulted in a 13-year-old girl hanging herself.

A deft hand at metaphor, Moore can also conjure up impressive similes, as attractive as they are repulsive: “… like a sea of tuna flakes and vomit falling into my eyes as I swim under water.” One bothersome distraction in the novel is Moore’s near-obsessive desire to write about the writing process. Peppered throughout are lines such as, “If I were a subject of a piece of fiction …” and, “This is not why people write books.”

While on the subject of distractions, the significance of the title, Wrong Bar, is never made clear.

As a result of writers lacking imagination, a good amount of literary work produced today is boring. Considering the creative acrobatics of Wrong Bar, no one could ever label Nathaniel G. Moore’s writing as boring. Peculiar, yes, enigmatic, absolutely. But boring? Not a chance.

Edward Brown is the Journey Prize-nominated author of Playing Basra.

WRONG BAR REVIEWS

2010-01-31T09:36:00.000-08:00

Wrong Bar reviews that have appeared recently.

Order from publisher here

"Evil teenagers run amok…Brighton Rock in the age of Twitter…as if William S. Burroughs joined MySpace."

— The National Post

"Wrong Bar is populated by sarcastic murderous hipsters to whom nothing beyond their own avatar is sacred. Sound familiar? The title of the book is no coincidence; bad boy of Canadian literature says it was inspired by the culture of Toronto and is a refutation of the currently popular idea that we should all celebrate our inner wild child. Instead Moore wishes to examines the consequences of a world where our online creations interact more with each other than our physical selves."

— The Torontoist

“When Wrong Bar threatens to get silly, it suddenly veers headlong into serious. Without intending to, Haas becomes mixed up with a horde of degenerate youths led by hatemongering Shawn Michaels. Under his spell are minions Jim and Lee. Along for the ride are a clowder of hellcats. All conspire in a plot of revenge, destruction and murder, and in the middle of it all is Charles Haas. At 29, he proves no match for the cultish young folks' stamina and cruelty. Haas is still plying his trade on a typewriter, for Pete's sake….There are also dance parties, drugs, death and sex."

— The Globe & Mail

rob
Quill

rover arts
national post

POEM FROM "DINOSAUR PORN"

2010-01-28T10:02:00.000-08:00

Downloading Pornosaurus Rex
Instead of Downloading You

by Nathaniel G. Moore

Goodbye and goodnight cave girl extreme.
Your club asleep at cave mouth, your mouth
Deligent, lean.

I clean the barrel of my mischief.
Can it be you that I hear snoozing
In the Dino Mart staff lounge in leopard print
Tart wear? Let me view you, then,
Sweeping with terror broom, terribly constructed
Standing as when I drew near to the pile of dry leaves
And twigs where you would wait for me: yes, as I knew you then,

Even to the original nightmare blouse.
Or is it only the trees, and their dutiful chemistry in its twitchy night
Scratching at my cave door?

Dusty kisses travelling across the mulch and oh my manners.
You being ever so consigned to itemized profit sharing employee
Discount debate, heard no more of my poetry.

Thus I; cave slammed hard, leaves around me crying and pouting,
Wind a sore oozing cream across my chest, my nostrils delighted in thorns

And the pornography calling.

LILY ALLEN

2010-01-27T09:51:00.000-08:00

22
cbc
The Fear
Funny interview
Not Fair

It's a round up of Miss Lily Allen who inspired the raunch of Wrong Bar in many ways.

Lilyest Hobo

2010-01-26T12:29:00.001-08:00

Maybe tomorrow

Dinosaur Porn

2010-01-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

I will be reading at the launch of Dinosaur Porn at Supermarket this coming Thursday.
Also my chapbook Sensational Sherri will be available as well. And Let's Pretend We Never Met.

Details

The Bitter End Begins

2010-01-22T12:48:00.000-08:00

A loveable Montreal improv group has taken the next step towards
legitimacy with a low budget, high-laugh six-episode webcast.

While it might not seem like a giant leap towards legitimacy, one can't help
but draw comparisons to modern comic television shows such as Arrested
Development or Curb Your Enthusiasm while watching the 17 minute
episodes that revolve around two brothers and their hipster Montreal
lifestyle. The two brothers are the over-serious aspiring novelist
Bernard and the ever-slacking Les (who is just out of rehab and
crashing on Bernard's small apartment floor).

Springing from Théâtre Ste-Catherine Sunday improv nights, more
specifically the Mile End comedy troupe The Bitter End--Dan Beirne,
27, Brent Skagford, 30, and Etan Muskat, 29, have taken their sardonic
brand of comedy from the stage to fully developed webisodes, with more
episodes planned (hopefully) in the near future.

The complete web series was made possible with a lot of help from
friends and family members and a $3,000 Jeunes Volontaires grant they
recieved earlier this year courtesy from the government of Québec.
Shot and edited over this past spring, the show includes soundtracks
from local musicians in Montreal such as Think About Life, and is
chalk full of hipster culture fusion: internet porn, Dr. Mario, and
Die Hard, while relying heavily on successful theme templates such as
romantic disasters, vocational disasters, and familial anxieties.

The troupe continues to do live shows and all the episodes are
available to view over and over again (trust me you'll rewatch them)
at www.thebitterend.tv

SENSATIONAL

2009-12-01T10:16:00.001-08:00

– Black Bile Press Media Release –

New From Black Bile Press

One-offs Chapbooks Series Three, featuring:

Tony O’Neill
Julie McArthur
Nathaniel G. Moore

Black Bile Press is back with its third series of one-off, single story chapbooks by three of the literary underground’s hardest hitters.

Tony O’Neill is an internationally-renowned writer of salty fiction. His novels include Digging the Vein (Contemporary Press) and Down and Out on Murder Mile (Harper Perennial). Now Black Bile Press has the honour of publishing his chapbook Bill Bailey, a hilarious story about a man, a hirsute woman and an unlucky, yappy dog. This is a unique opportunity to own a limited edition O’Neill publication that will sell out quickly and never be reprinted.

Julie McArthur is a rising literary gem from Toronto. Her chapbook Men and the Drink centres on a woman’s survival strategy for dealing with men in her life. Told in McArthur’s deadpan, succinct style, the story blends humour and panache just so.

Nathaniel G. Moore is a well-known and respected writer of irreverent short fiction and the perfect fit for a Black Bile Press chapbook. His book “Sensational Sherri” is a ribald tale that mingles wrestling, pornography, booze, obsession and nostalgia like only Mr. Moore can.

This threesome of writers and their books represent the best of the best when it comes to fierce and fiery short fiction. Each story is published as a limited edition, single story chapbook, carefully assembled but anything but precious.

Order all three books for only $10.00 (plus $2.00 postage), for a ridiculously good final price of $12.00 for all three books. Or order one chapbook (please specify the title) for $6.00 ($5.00 for the book, plus $1.00 postage). US orders, the same price applies, as the exchange rate to Canadian currency will cover the higher postal costs. UK and RoW orders, please email firth@istar.ca for the price in your currency.

Order by sending a cheque (made payable to M. Firth) to:

Matthew Firth
Black Bile Press
573 Gainsborough Avenue
Ottawa, Ontario
K2A 2Y6
CANADA

Queries: firth@istar.ca

- 30 -

TADDLE CREEK

2009-11-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

The preview for my debut in Taddle Creek Magazine is online!

WRONG BAR @ WRONGBAR 25 NOVEMBER 8PM

2009-10-22T14:05:00.001-07:00

Wednesday November 25, 2009 8pm
Wrongbar 1279 Queen Street West, 416-516-8677

Official launch and reading. Music 10pm. Hosted by Nathaniel G. Moore

Order the book.

Event listing

NO WAY OUT: OCTOBER 26 @ OSSINGTON

2009-10-02T13:41:00.000-07:00

No Way Out: (A Reading At The Ossington during the International Festival of Authors)
Monday October 26th, 2009 8pm
The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave, (just north of Queen) 416-850-0161

Featuring:
Sean Stanley
Robin Richardson
Sachiko Murakami
Angela Hibbs
Stacey May Fowles
Spencer Gordon
and others TBA
hosted by Nathaniel G. Moore

In the pre-dawn chaos of Halloween, Canzine, IFOA, and what is the fall book season, The Ossington proudly presents: NO WAY OUT an hour and ten minutes of the best poetry and prose you won't find at any red carpet gala by a thankless poluted lake. Not that there is anything wrong with ungrateful poluted lakes, or red carpet galas going on in October in Toronto. Back to the lecture at hand: for these writers, and the literary-crazed audience at The Ossington, there is NO WAY OUT! There will however be snacks, books, and beverages. Dress up and win a prize! Author bios may or may not be announced during the reading, but distinctions will be made well in advance of each reader.

Existere

2009-09-18T11:44:00.001-07:00

A poem from my new collection is in the new issue of Existere. Check it out here: http://www.yorku.ca/existere/

wrong bar reading 21 October

2009-09-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

Wrong
Bar

Sneak
Peek

Reading

Before launching the book in November officially, Nathaniel G. Moore will make his third appearance at the Pivot Reading Series this year and promises to deliver something special from his new novel Wrong Bar (Tightrope Books, 2009). Come check it out on Wednesday October 21st, 2009 at 8 p.m. at the Press Club, 850 Dundas Street West in Toronto just west of Bathurst. The event is free.

ART BAR READING: NOVEMBER 10

2009-09-15T13:42:00.000-07:00

I will be reading as part of The Art Bar Poetry Series on Tuesday November 10th, more on this as the facts become non-fiction. What I do know is this: the reading is at Clinton's on Bloor and Clinton. I will be reading new material from my new books.

The Art Bar Poetry Series is recognized as the longest running
poetry-only reading series in Canada.

Official site http://www.artbar.org

PASTELS ARE PRETTY MUCH THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF CHALK (THE TORONTO SHOW)

2009-09-11T16:54:00.000-07:00

Sunday, October 25th
at Mitzi's Sister 7pm
1554 Queen St. W., Toronto
Insomniac Press and Punchy Writers Series
launch new books by Angela Hibbs and Nathaniel G. Moore.
Wanton by Angela Hibbs (Insomniac Press)
Pastels Are Pretty Much The Polar Opposite of Chalk
by Nathaniel G. Moore (Punchy Writers)
With special guests Jason Camlot (The Debaucher) and David McGimpsey(Sitcom, Certifiable)and music by Puggy Hammer

Pick Up The Phone: Dragonette

2009-09-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

'Pick Up The Phone' - New Single from Dragonette.
Dragonette has a new video for 'Pick Up The Phone', the next single from their forthcoming album 'Fixin' To Thrill'. The video is perfect for back to school and being confident, blonde and possibly a D student.

Lead lady Martina explains how the video came about. "A little while ago we shot a faux advert for our scent URIN, with the directional genius that is Drew Lightfoot. Aside from it being a hilarious experience just by virtue of being such a ridiculous idea, it actually looked really rad. So it was our sheer delight to work with Drew again - this time for a real live music video instead of just goofin' around making fun of celebrity perfume lines."

LOHAN BURGLARY

2009-08-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

The hunt is on for suspects in the burglary of Lindsay Lohan's Hollywood Hills house. Many suspect Lohan of making copies of her keys and leaving them in drink-bottoms. The LAPD released surveillance camera footage of the Sunday break-in at the Mean Girls star's house which shows three people, all wearing denim, faces covered with wooly scarves, walking through a gate and entering a courtyard at around 1 a.m. They appeared to be carrying Lindsay Lohan who was described as "vocally present" and "ransack-ready".

130 detectives believe the suspects -- one male and two females, all 18 to 25 years old -- entered the house through an unlocked door, then ransacked it and took property.

Despite neighbours claims of Lohan leading the heist herself, Lohan's spokeswoman, Leslie Sloane-Zelnik, said the break-in happened while the actress and her younger sister were away. Sloane-Zelnik said many of Lohan's ``personal belongings were taken without remorse.''

Lohan -- who's been accused of pilfering a few things herself -- tweeted that she didn't think it was a robbery because ``things that a certain old friend knew meant a lot to me, and lotto tickets and stuff, stuffed animals, and crackers'' were taken. Her father was not one of these things taken, though no one has seen him in the news lately. Also stolen were several lyric books, including lyrics for her new album Where Went You Yesterday Today? which is believed to be Lohan's first venture into spoken word, though no one can be certain. "She's been serious about a few things, none of which she has ever spoken about," says a close neighbour. "She keeps repeating 'I'm going to do that today,' but no one knows what that is."

TORONTO ISLAND, SCHOOL OF FIRE

2009-08-13T07:20:00.001-07:00

It has come to my attention that the Toronto Islands were not always islands but actually a series of non-cold glacial-type moving sand-bars, or “littoral drift deposits”, originating from the Scarborough Bluffs and carried westward by Lake Ontario currents. Scarborough Town Centre, Oakville and parts of Buffalo have been said to make up large or no parts of these “deposits” who have now transacted their way into a more permenant status across from the city of Toronto. By the early 1800s, the longest of these bars extended nearly 9 kilometres south-west from Woodbine Avenue, causing the streetcars to submerge in a strange netherworld of concern.

Getting back to fires and their centenials, the first school on the Toronto Islands, a one room school house, was built in 1888 near the Gibraltar Lighthouse. In 1909 the school burned to the ground and was replaced with a new building that opened for classes in September 1909, so we must assume the fire took place almost a hundred years ago, and that classes were succesful ways of keeping kids from arson fetish or gasoline smuggling, whatever it was that kept so much of the island in flames during the early 20th century.

In 1956 the city decided to remove the residential areas at Centre Island and Hanlan's Point to make a park, and as a result there was a big drop in student enrollment, and a large enrollment at the newly made park which historical groups dubbed “Club Ed” for some reason. It was latter dubbed “Special Ed” and then moved to Bathurst and Bloor and became a famous low-tech, low-priced retail shop.

100 YEARS AFTER THE FIRE

2009-08-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

In 1894, an ambitious lakefill project by the Toronto Ferry Company added space for an amusement park that included an exciting roller-coaster called the Big Scream. And a cursed baseball stadium, built in 1909 and destroyed by fire one year later, (bullshit, the fire was August 10, 1909, a hundred years have passed us by) was rebuilt to hold 10,000 spectators. Babe Ruth, a baseball legend, hit his first professional home run here. The role of Hanlan's Point as a centre of recreation declined after the 1930's when the stadium was closed and the Maple Leaf baseball team moved to a new facility at the foot of Bathurst Street. The amusement park was demolished and in 1937 Toronto Island Airport was constructed. On August 10, 2009, a hundred years after the fire, Babe Ruth returned with a gasoline-drenched baseball mitten, a pack of matches and started swimming with his gloved hand extended out of the lake, in a beautiful tribute to arson and memory.

A dearth of fires on Hanlan's Point have also contributed to many blog posts and angler fishing stats not meeting snuff. Many baseball teams have suffered as well, though not directly linked to no fires for a century policy implimented by historical island folk.
A poetry reading series was planned to commemorate the anniversary of the fire, but the poets were lost en route via ferry.

Stripped Mall: Don Mills Edition 14 August

2009-08-02T12:05:00.001-07:00

Well, I didn't write this. The italic stuff. It's about the Don Mills Centre at Lawrence and Don Mills, where I used to buy all my Polo, Chaps, Star Wars, GiJoes, wrestlers, Nintendo and Atari things. It was a mall that died. I found this on Facebook even though I'm not on Facebook, I think it's fitting considering there is a new bookstore there and they are having cool readings and events. To get there (on Friday 14 August 2009 for example, when this book, pictured above is featured with author and illustrator combined) you go to Eglinton subway and take the Lawrence 54 bus to Don Mills. Or go to Pape subway and take the Don Mills 25 to Lawrence:

Well, to say that the loss of Eatons killed the Don Mills Centre isn't exactly accurate. Don Mills had been dying a long, slow death since the beginning of the 1990s. Once upon a time, back in the glorious early 1980s, Don Mills had many of the high-end fashion stores that you still find today on the main level of the Eaton Centre (between Sears and Indigo Books). It had a very large Birks that was more than double the size of the one that replaced it in the 1990s. There was the Toyman, a bonafide toy store where you could buy all the latest G.I. Joe's, Transformers, and Nintendo games that your parents would open their wallets for. There was even a real electronics store -- not the cheapo discounters that later came. And there was Kellen's -- Owned by Mr. Kellen until recently -- who'd give you a lollypop while he cut your parents' steaks. It was a VERY GOOD mall.

But then a few things happened... Somewhat in order of importance.

#1
Cadillac Fairview renovated Fairview in the last 1980s / early 1990s and it became THE mall for the kids and the parents who had to drive them there. A number of DMC stores moved up the road at that point.

#2
We had the recession of 91/92.

#3
Birks filed for bankruptcy. The new owners closed a lot of locations and really cut back on merchandise. Today's Birks doesn't sell half of what it used to.

#4
Future Shop and some earlier electronics chains took off and killed most of the independents -- including the one in the DMC -- and the Eatons electronics dept.

#5
Toys R Us killed independents like the Toyman (who held out for a surprisingly long time) and the Eatons toy section (which was actually hit-and-miss on a year-to-year basis at Don Mills)

#6 - The population of Don Mills got a lot older

#7 - Cadillac Fairview attempted to save Don Mils Centre with a renovation. They were successful in the sense that they filled up all the empty storefronts, but ruined the character of the mall when they filled in wading pool / community meeting area in front of Eatons. (Where we all got our pictures taken with Santa.)

#8 - And yes, most of the replacement stores were junk.

#9 - Finally, NUMBER 9, Eatons went bankrupt... And bankrupt again... And became a Sears Outlet.

#10 - And they let Cinnabun get away. Thus ensuring that the Don Mills Centre would never be cool again.

I'm sad to see it gone, but I miss what it was in the 1980s, not what it became in the 1990s. A fresh start is definitely needed. After all, the Don Mills Centre started as a strip mall back in the 1950s or 1960s (Where did you think those trees came from?)

SHAWN

2009-07-13T16:06:00.000-07:00

amanda sampson sketch...

You’ve got to be joking me. A little teenager in the ground, buried like a piece of fat in a cross-section of my mother’s toxicology meatloaf? Relatively few people realize that the common earthworm, of which the best known species, but not always the most common, is called Lumbricus terrestris by biologists, are just as much newcomers to North America as we are. In fact, there are many areas in Canada where earthworms are absent and where the productivity of the soil could be substantially increased if they were introduced.

WRONG BAR (illus. by Amanda Sampson)

2009-05-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

COVER
inside cover - "found" text
page 1 - illustration by Amanda Sampson
page 2 "found text"
page 3 "author bio"
page 4 "found text"
page 5 "WRONG BAR by Nathaniel G. Moore"
page 6 blank
page 7 part one

(all parts - one, two, three, four, should be on facing pages)

A 17-year-old girl let out terrifying "murderous screams" as a coyote attacked her while she was trying to crawl from a prop coffin. The coffin had been thrown down the side of a hill as part of a "hoax gone insane" last night in Maudlin. The coyote left a 9-centimetre on the girl's face.
The teen was a part of a terribly conceived heist, and police still are not completely certain what motivated the teens to reach the "extreme levels of violence" that dominated the later part of the evening. "I felt a pinch at my face, then I sort of passed out" she said, noting the coyote left bite holes in her jean jacket.

PASTELS ARE PRETTY MUCH THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF CHALK

2009-05-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

This is the cover for my new poetry collection due this fall with Punchy Poetry and DC Books. It was edited by Jason Camlot. I'm very excited to present you this synopsis.

Pastels Are Pretty Much The Polar Opposite Of Chalk is about the syntax of distinction, unlikely comparison and the colorful drama that comes with choosing between actions, people and things. Scenarios of rupture are set in malls, bedrooms, tawdry boardwalks, train stations and hospitals, as tinsel rains down slowly in the background. Here Nathaniel G. Moores cryptically majestic language bears witness to staged altercations between hedonism vs. hunger, domesticity vs. pedestrian excess, cross-hatched gesture vs. harsh reality. This book asks questions: Do I like pretzels? What kind of pretzels do I prefer? How do I feel? Would I rather watch a car chase or be in one? What is Golden Flint? Do they sell that at the grocery store? Have I told you the story of when I fell in love with you? Like a psycho smart alec with a velvet tongue, this book provides answers to all the question in wonderfully wrought riddles.

Here's a poem.

THAT'S SO CRITICALLY RANDOM Vol. 1. No. 1

2009-04-18T16:10:00.000-07:00

Rev Jen

Troubled Times

Maggs

Nathaniel G. Post

Dinh Ba

Beta Love

Smaller Narrative / The Hospital Is For Sick Children

Wrong Bar

BOWLBRAWL : LEGACY

2009-04-12T16:21:00.000-07:00

LILY ALLEN - TWENTY-TWO

2009-04-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

In the previous video for The Fear there are bras and a teddy bear on the clothesline. There is a tiny trailer, it turns into a mansion with hard dancing butlers. they carry her across a blue velvet carpet. she runs her thumb and forefinger through her expensive wig/mane. there are expensive hand made chocolates on tables she doesn't eat them. the star of the video just plays flirtatiously with boxes of giant presents. she sings about not knowing what is real and not knowing what to feel and this equates to a singular dread known as the fear. back to the butlers into a line about the war.

CGI tear gas dancing germinates dramatically from the ground as hot cop butlters dance with balloon human forms.

This song, for which I can find no video, seems much more campy and depressing, as if Sloan or the Beatles had accidentally walked into her in the shower. There is also an Addams Family vibe coming across in moments of the organ, perhaps a joke being played on her by the musicians or producers for her remarkable resemblance to Morticia or Wednesday Addams.

When she was 22 the future looked bright
But she's nearly 30 now and she's out every night
I see that look in her face she's got that look in her eye
She's thinking how did I get here and wondering why

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

She's got an alright job but it's not a career
Wherever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears
Cause all she wants is a boyfriend
She gets one-night stands
[ Lily Allen Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
She's thinking how did I get here
I'm doing all that I can

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

HOLLYWOOD NORTH WAR (2009)

2009-04-12T11:07:00.000-07:00

Last month it was the accidental death of actress Natasha Richardson's (wife of a Jedi Master) as a result of Quebec's lack of medical helicopter continuity, this month it's good ol' CBC not listening to guests requests (I know from personal experience they refuse to obey anyone who suggests they might not want to talk about certain things during an interview) and subsequently making ourselves sitting ducks for what will become known as OPERATION MASH POTATOES in a war across the largest unprotected border on the planet: HOLLYWOOD NORTH WAR.

He didn't want to talk about the obvious notion that he was a giant movie star. Big deal. Is Canada so petty they can't let the guy sit there talking about his music and just pretend you know that he wasn't in a million movies we've all seen? Is Canada that shallow?

It's simple: one day we'll wake up, go outside there'll be tanks everywhere and we'll just think they're filming a Bruce Willis film, but in reality, they'll be herding us off to the Rogers Centre where we'll build weapons all day so they can round up the surrounding farm communities. Billy Bob is just one of several US informers doing surveys on just how easy the war will be to win. Brad Pitt kissing Angelina goodbye on a navy battleship as he gets into his stealth bomber heading for the CN Tower. "I can't believe I won that round of rock paper scissors, this is going to be a blast!"

Beyond hockey sticks, paper cups, what sort of defense does this country have anyway to project ourself from Depp, Pitt, Bob Thorton or Newhart for that matter.

Beware gravy-less, beware. I for one hate mashed potatoes and gravy, but more importantly will cheer for the US team when they come to tear down this country one apoplectic poutine victim at a time.

OVERQUALIFIED: GLOBE & MAIL

2009-04-08T12:49:00.000-07:00

My online review of Joey Comeau's excellent novel in cover letters is up here.

Also at the National Post is my NaPoMo interview.

LAST PRINT ISSUE OF SKYSCRAPER

2009-04-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

Pick this issue up, it's the last of its kind...I've written for this magazine for a few years on and off, and just today found out the latest issue is their last in print. It's an amazing magazine that profiles hundreds of indie bands each year, a real shame that once again (like Verbicide in January) another magazine has to go under...

Skyscraper #30 just hit newsstands and includes features on Bonnie 'Prince' Billy, The Thermals, Black Moth Super Rainbow, Comet Gain, Chain and the Gang, Obits, From Monuments to Masses, Mi Ami, Pterodactyl, Mika Miko, Ocean, Zu, The Residents, The (International) Noise Conspiracy, Propagandhi, Japanther, Titus Andronicus, Crystal Antlers, Wavves, Cause Co-Motion!, Harlem Shakes, Sinaloa, and The Spores. Plus the usual plethora of reviews. Also available to order are almost all back issues and merchandise, including t-shits, tote bags, stickers and buttons.

We regret to inform you that Skyscraper Magazine will be suspending publication of the print magazine with the #30/Spring 2009 issue. Skyscraper will be going online exclusively as we plan to move forward with an expansion of the website (www.skyscrapermagazine.com). The transition from print to web will allow Skyscraper to update content weekly, with a soft launch of this format taking place in the next month followed by a full re-launch of the magazine’s website later this year.

Although changes in both the music industry and print publishing, as well as rising printing and postage costs and the general economic climate, have contributed to this decision, ultimately it was a personal one of myself and co-publisher Andrew Bottomley. We have published Skyscraper as a labor of love since day one, so the profitability (or lack thereof) of the magazine was never a deciding factor in our existence. But as we move forward with our personal lives and careers it has been increasingly difficult to dedicate the time necessary to continue publishing Skyscraper as a quarterly print publication.

We’re proud of what Skyscraper has accomplished, and we feel the magazine established a much-needed niche in a media landscape that was interested more in style than substance. The support of our contributors, advertisers and readers allowed us to print 30 issues over the last 11 years, so we’re extremely grateful to have received that opportunity.

CANADIAN POET ON CALL

2009-04-01T14:49:00.000-07:00

Canadian Poet On Call
(Blackberry, iPhone can't
crack Canadian Poets market)

Canadian Poetry Month begins on April Fools' Day but the joke may be on the tech phone networks who simply can't crack the Canadian Poetry market. "They don't have much use for a phone. I mean, our studies are showing a significant drop in actual contact to Canadian poets. They also don't make a lot of calls," says one marketing expert at a phone company who shall remain nameless.

However, the Canadian government is reacting in timely style, declaring something big is going to happen to Canadian poetry next year. "Not since Scott Griffin himself announced the creation of the largest prize for poetry will poets be talked about with such prestige and honour," states the missive. "With new buildings, ceremonies and festivities springing up all over the city, sometimes you just need a poet there to read a poem, to bring poise, dignity and respect to a given event, and sometimes they're not available. Mainly because most Canadian poets don't have phones."

LEGENDS OF WRESTLEMANIA

2009-03-31T20:16:00.000-07:00

Sometime this week my friend Dragan (yes Bowlbrawl's Dragan) and I will be testing out the greatest wrestling video game of all time: Legends of Wrestlemania. Finally Dragan's dysmorphic wrestling history will have a home, and Koko B. Ware can fight Mr.Perfect any year he wants. Stay tuned for my review, in the meantime, here's the Hitman.

FASHION WEEK & OTHER FASHION ARTICLES

2009-03-31T19:32:00.000-07:00

My fashion articles as published in Minimidimaxi

Dinhba

Mark Fast

Barbie

David Dixon

Andrew Majtenyi

SPRING STAMPEDE / OPEN BOOK TORONTO

2009-03-31T19:20:00.000-07:00

My preview of Spring Books is up at Open Book Toronto.
Spring Stampede!

2009-03-30T18:22:00.000-07:00

OLD CITY HALL
By Robert Rotenberg,
Reviewed by Nathaniel G. Moore
Globe and Mail
March 13, 2009

When I was 20, I worked at a funeral parlour on the Danforth in Toronto with my father, a job that involved picking up bodies from the city morgue. Then, at 27, I testified in an assault trial at Old City Hall.

Though unrelated, these two personal experiences vividly came to mind in reading Old City Hall, the crime debut of Robert Rotenberg, a top criminal lawyer and former editor of T.O., The Magazine of Toronto.

Rotenberg delivers our city a rude good morning when his protagonist, Gurdial Singh, arrives at popular radio host Kevin Brace's home to deliver the day's paper, only to find him covered in blood.

Brace calmly informs Singh that he has killed his wife, whose body is sprawled in the bathtub. In a gruesomely comic tableau, the police arrive to see the two men having tea in Brace's apartment, whereupon Brace is arrested.

Old City Hall, by Robert Rotenberg, Simon & Schuster, 372 pages, $29.99

Inevitably, what appears to be an open-and-shut case proves far more complex. What is Brace's motivation for killing his wife? How will the media, for which he works, handle this dirty deed?

And how will the Toronto public react to the length or brevity of his sentencing? Rotenberg expertly unveils the answers through witnesses, lawyers, police and family members who step forward and root through the possibilities.

As the Crown builds its case, the story creeps into the crevices of its Old City Hall offices. Rotenberg shines here, in his detailed descriptions that showcase not only his vast legal experience, but his architectural knowledge: "The Hall covered a whole city block. A massive stone structure, asymmetrical in design, filled with curling cornices, rounded pillars, marble walls, smiling cherubs, overhanging gargoyles, and the big clock tower to the left side of the main entrance which topped it off like a gigantic misplaced birthday candle."

The drama deepens when defence lawyer Nancy Parish discovers that her client, Brace, will communicate with her only through handwritten notes. With so much at stake, the reader is absorbed into their dissonant relationship. Brace's reticence to speak reflects the opaque process by which information is gathered in an otherwise uncomplicated case. His mute state — he even gets someone else to speak to his children from jail so his comments can't be used against him — is magnetic and draws attention to all aspects of his character, all the more for his refusal to explain himself.

Rich dialogue adds another layer, this time of gritty authenticity. Parish's wry sense of humour is self-depreciating, almost hip. When visiting Brace in jail, she jokes with a guard, "When you work for yourself, your boss is an asshole."

The dialogue is just as potent among other characters: "Once a knife penetrates the surface, there's nothing in the stomach to stop it. It's like going through a feather pillow," one officer tells another.

These sound bites are prevalent throughout the book; rife with forensic intrigue, they deepen the psychological sweat, whether it's in the passive-aggressive Toronto parlance — you know who you are — or describing the not-so-fresh scent of the harbour: "There was a smell to the Toronto harbour which was foreign to the rest of the city. Pungent seagull guano, moist, coiled rope, and the whiff of outboard gasoline."

Rotenberg is also a master at farming personal histories, embedding clues that forebode future actions. His devotion to his characters is unique, in that it's predominantly their flaws that hook readers, as with Crown attorney Albert Fernandez, who was told to work on his empathy skills and sent to a grieving-families seminar.

Allowing minor characters to reveal deeper emotional pangs — such as the moody ruminations of morgue attendant Warren Gardner, or Officer Kennicott's meditations on his brother, last seen at that same morgue — are tidy tricks that make this fictional Toronto crime drama feel real.

If the book has one screaming take-away, it's that Toronto stars as itself, personified by the investigators, defence lawyers and homicide detectives who careen and overturn their lives to find — or hide — justice.

And with the exception of an ongoing "Toronto Maple Leafs are terrible joke," the plot is chock full of atmospheric tension. From the sometimes banal police protocol to the haunting, eerie incandescence of the morgue, it's clear that Old City Hall has enough hidden motives and gumshoeing to make it a hard-boiled classic.

NIGHT WORK: THE SAWCHUK POEMS

2009-03-30T07:17:00.001-07:00

Randall Maggs wins the 2008 Winterset Award

In compact, conversational poems that build into a narrative long poem, Night Work: The Sawchuk Poems follows the tragic trajectory of the life and work of Terry Sawchuk, dark driven genius of a goalie who survived twenty tough seasons in an era of inadequate upper-body equipment and no player representation. But no summary touches the searching intensity of Maggs's poems. They range from meditations on ancient/modern heroism to dramatic capsules of actual games, in which the mystery of character meets the mystery of transcendent physical performance. Night Work: The Sawchuk Poems is illustrated with photographs mirroring the text, depicting key moments in the career of Terry Sawchuk, his exploits and his agony.

THE DEATH OF TEST

2009-03-14T15:53:00.000-07:00

No one is killing injured or fired pro wrestlers. They are doing it themselves, willingly. They are addicted to pain, tragedy and are lining up for slaughter. It's not like you're reading about former Kinko's employees who are suiciding at noticable rates? That's what I fucking hate about the film THE WRESTLER that it glorifies self-centred validation and doesn't truly develop the character to the point of actual self-destruction. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel that this industry is a total demonic asteroid that starts at my childhood and ends in early 30's to mid 40's self-anihilation.

In the early late 20th and early 21st Century, Andrew “Test” Martin was a rising star of some capabilities. He was a physical wrestler who teetered on the jock/sex symbol fence for a while, even managing to hold an angle to marry Stephanie McMahon who ended up in real life, hitched to one of the biggest stars ever in contemporary wrestling, Triple H. Just another casualty of what is clearly now, a vocational epidemic.

Related reading

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Related video 3

MARCH 25TH READING

2009-03-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

Pivot Readings at the Press Club

March 25: Jim Johnstone, Nathaniel G. Moore and Eva Moran
Filed under: Uncategorized — careypivot @ 2:57 am

March marches on with three readers with witty bios on March 25:

Jim Johnstone is the author of The Velocity of Escape (Guernica Editions, 2008). He is a two time winner of the E. J. Pratt Medal and Prize in Poetry and was shortlisted for the 2007 CBC Poetry Award. Recently, his work has appeared in periodicals such as The Antigonish Review, Descant, The Fiddlehead, Grain, The Malahat Review, Prairie Fire and Prism International. He is currently the editor of Misunderstandings Magazine, a literary journal he co-founded in 2005.

Born and raised in Toronto, Nathaniel G. Moore is a cultural pariah and experimental monster. His best book so far is Let’s Pretend We Never Met (Pedlar Press, 2007) which is like a novel in poems, all about the Latin poet Catullus. The book turns two this year. He is the co-editor of Toronto Noir. He considers himself the main event, the showstopper and the icon that can still go. He is terrifying.

Eva Moran is a SWF 5′ 6″ Montreal native living and working in Toronto. Eva is a non-smoker who rarely drinks. But make no mistake, she’s a spunky, fun and energetic Leo. Eva has her MA in English Literature from Concordia, is an aspiring boxer, and she works out six days a week. Eva enjoys running, yoga, and long bike rides. She adores petting puppy golden retrievers. Love her!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009
8 p.m. at the Press Club,
850 Dundas Street West
Hosted by Carey Toane
PWYC

VOTE ESTIMA: REEF JOB IN QUEENSLAND, AUSTRAILIA

2009-03-02T17:55:00.001-08:00

My crazy friend Christina Estima is close to becoming some sort of reef or piece of coral.

Anyway vote for her.

Out of over 34,000 applications for the Island Reef Job in Queensland, Australia, I HAVE BEEN SELECTED AS ONE OF THE TOP 50 CANDIDATES! HUZZAH!

for those of you out of the loop, the island reef job, sponsored by Tourism Queensland, is a 6 month job in the great barrier reef, where the winner's job will be to explore all the islands in the reef (by swimming, snorkeling, and hiking) and create a blog, regular videos, and photography.....and you get a tidy sum of $150,000 Aussie dollars!!

this is what i need of you, my loyal mateys who put up with my annoying mass emails...please go to www.islandreefjob.com

click on the "short-listed applicants" button

you will see 50 photos, including mine
scroll over my photo (you'll see 'christine, canada' pop up)....click on it
enter your email address and vote for me. if you have more than one email addy, vote twice!

because traffic on the website is super high, you may have trouble voting at first, BUT PLEASE KEEP AT IT!

and please forward this all your friends, family, coworkers, and random people you know! can use all the help i can get!!

ALSO, if you live in canada, i have been interviewed by CBC's The National about the Island Reef Job, which will air tonight at 9pm on CBC Newsworld (Eastern time) and again at 10pm on CBC TV (Eastern time)...channels 26 and 6 respectively if you live in toronto

And for those of you who might miss the national tonight, i'll be interviewed tomorrow morning on CBC Newsworld (the tv show) 8:15am eastern, channel 26!

for those of you in the UK, CBC is like BBC, except with commercials....and canadians.

huzzah!!

fanks for the continued support munchkins!

xxx
christine estima

-------------
www.christineestima.com
"there is no revolushun without pashun." -d'bi.young

FICTIONAL DANCE PARTY: a novel

2009-03-01T09:05:00.000-08:00

Fictional Dance Party
Go Wild…But beware of the fall
a novel by Nathaniel G. Moore

Charles Haas is a Maudlin City writer on the cusp of permanent obscurity. Believing every literary magazine in the country is now a front for a greater evil, he begins to prowl around the city's airports, restaurants, pet stores and dance halls to uncover the mystery of his own literary unpopularity. Along for the journey (most of the time) is Cate, his intern and sympathizer, and a whole sideshow of burn outs, paranoia and the occasional sea food dinner. When he gets a voice over gig for satirical dance video, his literary quest becomes blurred then abandoned by unpredictable excess. Months after the gig is up, Charles is still engaged in debauchery and malicious fantasy. In this abject state Charles finds a new definition of pain and suffering as he is slowly digested over a thousand years. Can Charles ever leave this raunchy party you know and maybe become a compelling protagonist with a deeper understanding of the human condition...an obstacle to overcome...at the end Charles is richer for the experience...something new to write about....suffers a little heartbreak...drawing from real life experience...working it three demential....richer for the experience...some twist and everyone learns that the hero journey isn't always easy and quit calling him hero.

Based partially on the art project of the same name by Geoffrey Pugen for which Nathaniel wrote and performed the voice over, Fictional Dance Party explores excess, regret, desire and the dirty grind thump of one's own immoral soundtrack.

"A perverse noir dance hall mystery!"
FUNHOUSE MAGAZINE

"Dirty, twisted and highly choreographed."
BRAS & AMMO

BUYING STUART ROSS FOR YOURSELF

2009-02-28T13:14:00.001-08:00

In his first fiction collection since the late 1990s, Buying Cigarettes For The Dog by Stuart Ross (Freehand Books) will be a welcomed addition to any fan of this prolific and inter-provincial treasure. The collection is caustic, comedic and as always surreal and coming out pretty soon. I'm pretty excited about it, as I've been flipping through my advanced reader copy and find it - so far - a fun-paced read. I saw Ross perform one of these pieces at a recent Pivot Reading and a dog was in the audience! Wrote Ross on his blog, "During my reading, my pal Gongadin and his dog Benny came in the door, which was right beside where I was standing. Benny had just missed a poem about a dog, so I read him the pertinent lines again." It was a great reading, and this will be a good book for him to tour with for sure.

Here is an excerpt.

PRISM INTERNATIONAL 47:2

2009-02-24T12:42:00.001-08:00

I have two brand new poems ("The Hospital is for Sick Children" / "Smaller Narrative")in the brand new issue of Prism International. After many contractual set backs, licensing particulars and heated swimsuit appropriation, I'm proud to say these poems are pretty much the polar opposite of terrible. I hope to build on them in the coming months as my campaign for a new collection of poetry draws to a favorable close.

"Smaller Narrative "

left your bathing suit
slung over a rusty

bike now
[it's in] in the backseat

of my mom's car now
now this is the beginning

of a smaller narrative
about a rusty bicycle coming

to terms with how you left your
bathing suit slung over

this is the beginning of a smile
now it's in the backseat of my mom

's car now
left it slung red like our hearts

slayed with silver flecked dark orange
our small and narrative land

rust is a bloody colour at times
burned orange, stale almonds

suffered in yellow torment
Even wore a dress, she said

to her interview but not the suit
the bathing suit remained like sleeping

chain mail vest medieval even
slung over a rusty

it's twisted crotch
and straps are part

of a smaller narrative
slung over a rusty

a slow dribbling balloon dead
with air slung over a rusty

finishing nail
biked apart

photographers were happy
slung over

bathing suits drying
in the quicksand sun

quicksand kept moist by partial
clouds with air slung over a rusty

bathing suit

So... you left your bathing suit slung over
a rusty bike, it's in the backseat of my
mom's car now.

"The Hospital Is For Sick Children"

Double as harmonicas
Defibrillators Do
Gurneys Eek

Wheezing In and Out
I Lean in to Love

Reach Octaves Honestly
Without Earth's Degrading

Expectations
Gauze wear; Fuel Efficient Certification

Policy for a Dimly Lit Ruby
Covered in Water,
In Violent Acuity

Deliberate Malicious:
Not Slippery Mischief
Each Suture Heads South
Soothes, Intent on Securing
Skin's Permanent Mood or Integrity

Each tear costs 5 cents in gumball memories
Haldol Scuffed up in EmergRoom
Fuzzymind[,these are the real seasons: Winter
Spring, Spring2, Summer
Fall, Fall2.]

Hit on head cut in eye hurt
Fallen ligament legitimist

Great artery alterations
Keep the Tag From

Gauze wear: Expectations: heal re/run groan,
Crinkle Paper Bag Over the Counter
have some Patience, colour Patience
tumbling into Drainpipes, Bombing
Arteries.

It Ain't Over Til It's Over

2009-02-23T18:43:00.000-08:00

"It is the future you see. But actually the past you are writing. But your future, it is Nathaniel G. Moore."

The Sparrow is a dramatic novel that investigates life with Catullus during the poet's last known years (58-54BC). After returning from abroad where he served a year on the staff of the governor of Bithynia, and mourned the death of his brother near Troy in 57 BC. Not to mention the painful final straw with Clodia Metelli (Lesbia). Catullus is a broken man; discouraged, abandoning his poetry and his socialite circles.

At night however, he is confronted by a presence and truth stronger than his own direct poetry: one perhaps too strange and real for even Juventius, his wayward boy companion to hear. The Sparrow is (or will be) an erotic mystery, oddly remixing Oscar Wilde's The Selfish Giant and Patrick Suskind's The Pigeon and producing a thoroughly unique and encouraging love story that transcends the family, the lover and nature in one epic elegy.

So far I have like 571 words written.

So I'll be done by May 59 BC.

Related subject

here

here

here

her

Niagara - Un Million D'Annes

2009-02-23T18:33:00.000-08:00

Niagara - Un Million D'Annes

J'aime beaucoup ce clip. C'est vraiment fun. Quand ca arrive dans ma vie, je suis 16 ans.

Welcome to 1990

Je fais semblant de ne pas perdre mon temps
Par del mes excs
Par del le bien et le sang
a fait plus d'un million d'annes
Que je vis dans le ciel
perdue dans l'immensit
La tete vers le soleil
Je cours sans fin et sans bruit
O glissent les ombres de l'ennui
Pour fuir ce que je laisse en arrire
Au bord des sentiers solitaires
a fait bien trop longtemps que j'attends
De rattraper le vent
D'etre au coeur de l'ternit
a fait plus d'un million d'annes
Que je pars en fume
retourner vers les nants
Jusqu' la nuit des temps
Je cours sans fin et sans bruit
O glissent les ombres de l'ennui
Pour fuir ce que je laisse en arrire
Au bord des sentiers solitaires
Je cours sans fin et sans bruit
O glissent les ombres de l'ennui
Pour fuir ce que je laisse en arrire
Au bord des sentiers solitaires
Je cours sans fin et sans bruit
O glissent les ombres de l'ennui
Pour fuir ce que je laisse en arrire
Au bord des sentiers solitaires
Un million d'annes, un million d'annes
Dans le ciel, un million d'annes
Un million d'annes dans le ciel

Where's Your Author Photo Gone To?

2009-02-21T16:10:00.000-08:00

I am extremely depressed
my life is just a series of

boxes inout of strangers
house sand similar conversation

swith my mother that will never changei
will never make money or have a job or

a real homei will never save moneyi will
swith army knife swith family robinson

egg live and stay alive until egg've had
enough of feeling this way no one on earth

has to live larva lover honey combs
crashing on wings on a sunny day

no one else on earth has to live
the way do hate it hate my life

egg can't act any way that reveals it or
else'll have nothing I am tired of explaining my

life and every movement thing that happens.
A life formed from just flour and water called

"pilot bread." I am tired of lubricating a language
dissolves doesn't even host or pantomime egg want

to write a suicide note for my whole life, not just this
part here. Not just these quicksand minutes

but the table salt crackers pickle brine tooI never want
to be remembered at all. I am tired of feeling this way I am

tired of salt stock options doing work and people sayingI
'm good when I'minvisible I hate everything I hate

people coughing I hate acquiring a common name due to
my unusual way that I produce a "cracking" sound as part

of my territorial displays. I hate phones ringing, I hate
explaining toast crunching apples bitten sounding like bones

bitten What egg do and how egg will live and who egg'm
supposed to work for and do things. Am a character

actor will win all the awards on Sunday if you have any
questions talk to Stephen Harper since November 1994

Ihave "lived" at 301places and been the bus shelter poster
star for over 3500 community mental health posters as "Billy"

Toronto is my microwave, my coffin The theatre closed years ago
and noone kept the receipt green light death get the green light

direct it and say "basically" and "visually" more times than is
necessary you will be right and i will be wrought and the actor

is striking on the screen he'll do a good job the work will be
visually beautiful we will probably need a production assistant.

The Sparrow

2009-02-20T18:26:00.000-08:00

58 B.C.

54 B.C.

Page one could start any day now.

Catullus's last days.

FUCK LOADS OF DIAMONDS

2008-12-30T08:15:00.000-08:00

It's nice to escape in a narrative that combines Robbie Williams comedic sensibility and good foundation. "I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore?" Lily Allen, you're getting older and wiser by the leotard metre.

MANUSCRIPT OF THE ROMANCE

2008-12-28T14:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Sir,

I wish to offer your publishing house for publication my romance «In Kiev all easy».

Genre: the adventurous romance - a socially psychological detective.

Volume: 60400 words.

The romance is written in Russian.

This romance has been published in Russia (in Moscow) in 2006 and makes the big success. I wish to suggest to undertake to your publishing house translation of my romance and to publish it. I am convinced, that my romance becomes the bestseller and in your country.

The summary of the romance. Action occurs during «Orange revolution» in Ukraine in 2004. The plot of the romance is developed around of a known robbery of the Chernigov art museum where the valuable collection of pictures ХVII-XIX of centuries has been stolen. The collection of the stolen pictures was got by the woman the smuggler, the person not ordinary, unusual destiny and versatile abilities. It prepares for sending a large party of antiques and works of art contraband to the Great Britain on auction «Sotheby's». For it employees of security service who pursue the different purposes watch. The woman the smuggler has own security service which informs it on shadowing. It is lonely, it has the unique person close to it, sick AIDS the homosexual who is abducted by criminals and demands for it the repayment. The acuteness and heat of events accrue and come to an end with a drama outcome.

The events described in the romance, have occurred more recently, therefore are of interest for a wide reader's audience. The romance is written sharply, dynamically, at high enough art level and it will be unconditional to make commercial success.

The given biographies:

By a trade I the doctor Infectious Disease Specialist, the Epidemiologist, the doctor of medical sciences, the professor (MD, PhD, Professor). Worked as the practical doctor in different cities of Ukraine. Participated in liquidations of flashes of infectious diseases in Tajikistan. Now I live in capital of Ukraine the city of Kiev. I work by the manager of section epidemiological of the National medical academy postgraduate education. Many years was engaged in literary activity and considered as an outstanding writer in a narrow circle of the limited persons. From the products published early nothing, as always preferred will to bondage.

I wish to publish my romance in your publishing house. If it has interested you, inform me on E-mail and I shall send you the manuscript of the romance.

Sincerely,

Victor Gavura

Gavura Victor Vasilevich

The prospectus of the Truth, 80, Apartment 94

Kiev, 208, 04208. Ukraine

Home telephone: (044) 433-15-78

E-mail: gavura@bigmir.net

THE WRESTLER

2008-12-27T20:48:00.000-08:00

In non-WWE related mainstream wrestling media news, I bring you Mickey Rourke. Loved him in Rumblefish. Sin City. The Wrestler? What would shock me is an award of any kind, since Hollywood has done nothing but laugh and subordinate any actor or wrestler-turned-actor for decades; leaving them to introduce or be affiliated with awards and genres and industry factions as if they were some hideous sideshow. The main problem with this film is, any wrestling fan past
or present won't care about a single wrestler's struggle to have self-respect and the respect of his remaining family. Wrestling is a big fraternity that has killed more of its kin than any other entertainment business. It is not caring, and no old washed up
wrestler coming back for one night of glory (which happens a thousand times a year in the indie circuits all over the world) is going to identify with this. If they do, they're likely on something.

The WWE has dozens of guys dying for a comeback, but these comebacks always come with some backhanded pay-off. They get paid, but are usually humiliated for being old or are selling a DVD or book. Even if merchandising is the case, the WWE is not above humiliation, as modern pro wrestling in general is an abject narrative, not fit for the old It's a place where the old, much like the way The Simpsons portray grandpa, are treated as obsolete, useless impositions.

According to Lordsofpain.net, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon requested a private screening of THE WRESTLER and was not please. "Whatever Vince told the director to his face remains a mystery, however a source close to the WWE boss says, "the word negative isn't strong enough to describe Vince's reaction. [This is] no surprise because Vince's vision of the 2008 image of wrestling and even fading stars directly contradicts what The Wrestler accurately portrays." Others in Vince's
close circle knew going into the screening that this was the kind of movie he was going to despise."

I also felt that the storyline in 2008 makes no sense, and that perhaps this film's fakest moment will be how inaccurately it portrays the industry in this contemporary time frame.

It will be interesting to see how this industry “storyline” plays out: will mainstream culture accept Mickey Rourke over pro wrestling’s lame ass stigma, will the hype wane, will society replace their perception of wrestling once and for all into something as contrived as this plot? And is that a bad thing?

From the LA Times blog "It will be interesting to learn whether [Vince] McMahon, whose personal finances are directly linked to the public's feelings about wrestling, received it as graciously as many of the former professional wrestlers who have already seen it at various screenings that. One, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, became emotional as he told
the filmmakers, "It's not my story... but it is my story."" Piper will identify with anything so long as it allows him to talk in public. Mr. 1985 is like that you know.

Director Darren Aronofsky picked up the Golden Lion award for his film during the awards presentation at the 65th edition of the Venice Film Festival in Venice, Italy.

While I'm not hoping this is the last award the film garners, it seems pretty remarkable that a profession so perrenially stigmatized by murder, drugs and unpopularity is getting such heart-felt love from the world.

I still believe people like Jake Roberts and Harley Race would be better suited subjects for an authentic tour de force retelling of a wrestler's struggle. Robert's own appearances in numerous documentaries, even his own WWE-produced DVD retrospective is remarkable 'acting' and I use the term in the capacity that beyond himself, Roberts was, (at one stage) playing a part.

Honestly, I would trade in a lot of publishing opportunities just to work on Jake's biography. The process would be engrossing, the story would be terrifying and just shattering. I think the book would be quintessential as well. I remember watching Jake's interviews and how he used to wear curtains to school he was so poor. And how people would mock him. His character was about 20 years ahead of its time, a dark-light morally illegible performer who tried to do the right thing, but who mainly tried to survive.

"Oh God. I feel like a jobber in a 1986 Randy Savage wrestling match."

That's the first line (tentatively) in my novel Savage, which has nothing to do with becoming a wrestler, being a wrestling fan or watching the wrestling. It has to do with extracting the capitalistic gauze cocooned into the cerebral patchwork of Ricky Galore so he can finish his life without imagining wrestling choreography and routines which have seemingly blended into his day-to-day peripheral.

Earlier this week mainstream news was covering the death of a "JOBBER" bringing the term into some near-quotidian atmosphere. It's almost like bad weather, this pro wrestling. Unpredictable the damage has yet to be fully assessed by experts. The Benoit murders, constant drug-related deaths before the age of 40, and numerous career-ending injuries are almost guaranteed outcomes in a business that is for the most part, intended to be entertainment.

"Mike Bell wrestled on World Wrestling Entertainment's "Monday Night Raw" as a jobber, a fighter who takes falls to promote others." So there it is for you: JOBBER. Add that one to your water cooler taunt.

I would of course have changed the word "fighter" to "performer" or "wrestler" but that's just me. "Mike "Mad Dog" Bell, a former professional wrestler whose struggle with substance abuse was featured in the documentary "Bigger, Stronger, Faster," has died. He was 37."

I do believe the title of this documentary has been cribbed from Wrestlemania III's tagline: BIGGER, BETTER, BADDER.

It's so common these days for wrestlers to just drop dead before their 40th birthday, jobber, main-eventer or not, it's almost a job in itself, simply monitoring the fatality record of any American who ever stepped into the squared circle. The world is awaiting the result of the toxicology test.

I plan on seeing both wrestling films in the coming weeks, and will have my reviews up here for all to read. I admire Vince's disdain for these asides. It's still an intellectual infringement if you ask me; Vince made the sport popular in this regard, and any plug-in appreciation or casual fan conversion is entirely McMahon's doing. If this film does well but confuses mankind's understanding of this business, I would consider that a violation and misrepresentation of the actual industry and
the real fakery at hand.

So we’ll see if the trite world of hollywood cinema can take the lowest common denominator, recontextualize it to suit a singular vision and recast the business into something it never was: hopeful and redemptive. Perhaps McMahon’s hatred of the film stems simply from that emotional fakery: he is a man who has to continually create fresh characters, week in week out, month after month. He is responsible for maintaining the creative direction and quality of a business that requires the development of new and exciting characters. This film is not about that. It seems to be about an independent wrestler battling for his body, his pride. Therefore it is not unique but a spectacle to the unconverted, to the fan of cinema, not wrestling.

STAR WARS, CANADA

2008-12-26T17:11:00.000-08:00

Seeking Canadian-ized 'Star Wars' poetry

STAR WARS CANADA seeks poetry in all genres for a big poetry anthology "that will have an awesome sci-fi cover." Editor: Nathaniel G. Moore. Writers are invited to take words, concepts, images and names from the Star Wars films, make them Canadian.Deadline: ongoing. Remuneration: copy of the project.

Canada has laid claim to many things over the years including basketball, Superman and Winnie The Poo. So too shall this great nation cIaim that we gave birth to Darth Vader. I am still in search of Canadian-angled Star Wars poetry. I still want to still do this Star Wars anthology. I know that there are people out there with Star Wars poems. I know because they've sent them to me. But I need more so I can't start harassing publishers. I think someone should write a poem about Chewbacca in the snow.

I would also take short postcard fiction type things and essays. Also Wampa artwork.

Let's make it real Canadian some how. Using our imaginations. Using the whole winter element popularized in Empire Strikes Back.

For details, email me. Or send me 2-4 poems.

LOVE IN THE TIME OF WAX PHONOGRAPH

2008-12-26T04:51:00.000-08:00

Everyone remembers 1888 was a leap year starting on Sunday of the Gregorian calendar (or a leap year starting on Friday of the 12-day slower Julian calendar). The delicate hands and fingers that tied the corsets and other gag order fashion items were soft as lamb ears.

This bell gown get down style is an example of evening dresses found in the pages of 'Peterson's Magazine' published in 1888.
These were expedient works of high culture club. This was not clothing so much as costume. You had to pile your hair high those days.

Within a few months of winter though, the frenzy for warmth over beauty quickly dashed to the front lines of reality. Who could forget the tens of thousands of socks the eastern seaboard went through those first few hours during The Great Blizzard of 1888, (March 11 – March 14, 1888) one of the most severe blizzards in United States recorded history. Snowfalls of 40-50 inches (102-127 cm) fell in parts of New Jersey, New York, Massachusetts and Connecticut, and sustained winds of over 45 miles per hour (72 km/h) produced snowdrifts in excess of 50 feet (15.2 m). Railroads were shut down and people were confined to their houses for up to a week. People tried to go to work for fear of losing their jobs, but ended up losing digits from the extremely cold temperatures. Almost 30 of them in New York alone froze to death on their way home after they found there was no electricity.

Two known births in 1888 were of course South African tennis star Charles Winslow, who died in 1963, and Harold Hardwick, an Austrialian freestyle swimmer who died in 1959. 1888 was also a great year for music lovers: The wax phonograph cylinders were mass marketed. In July the first performance of The Internationale in Lille, France took place. Also there was one painting: Vincent Van Gogh also released a late painting in 1888 called Coal Barges, later adapted to many popular cleaning advertisements.

Macho Madness Part One (2008 edition)

2008-12-25T12:15:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to lie to anyone: 1988 was a big deal to me.

I was one the highest-rated 13-year-olds of all time, extremely cute, popular and seemingly socially flawless. Time however, has not been as kind as my superficial memory glands: 2008 in many ways, was a bizarro version of this infamous year. As it stands right now, I have two major "literary" projects and one short film on the line that tap into a serious devotion to the visual clutter (1990's fall out) of my 1988 fixation. It's unhealthy, wild and sinister, but no more than the cokeheads and potheads who continue to polinate their own sense of subjective comfort. The difference of course with me is that I'm clearly trying to turn a profit.

In the middle of 2008 I had an epiphany: every young fashionista dresses in Randall Poffo drag and is either a hideous malicious fashion suicide bomber, or pulling it off quite nicely.
By June of 2008 I had conned my creative partner and longtime rival Geoffrey Pugen into photographing a visual essay about the Macho Girl phenomena.

I trivialized and also regimented the fashion condition back to the masculine POV: they were (meaning me) hallucinating. They were running out of OSV (original stimulant visuals) and conjured up memory fetish morphs that transcended the sexes and called to mind their lame ex sports heroes like Macho Man Randy Savage.

Big glasses. Headbands. Rain boots. A fashion movement was born in 2008 thanks to me.

Cue the giant cardboard check and row of cakes. Well, we're not quite there yet, but I defy you to go through your little jpeg peripheral over the last year and not catch a glimpse of several Macho Girl spectres lurking in their big ass glasses, headbands and cutesy bootsies. It's just damn well impossible. Oh yeah.

Of course I'd write more on this subject, (and have) but you know, that's what 2011novels, Bravo!Facts and most importantly live drunken rants are for.

Macho Madness is not a masculine pursuit by any means. It is a state of mind, body and ass, capable of capturing the imagination of the repressed, mad, monstered and savage. The agility of this aesthetic is seemingly invincible. It is colour coded, and hyper-sexual.

And to all a good night.

Macho Madness fashion!